Behold, the onchain oracles at Arkham Intelligence have spied Bhutan’s latest caper: 175 BTC, a paltry $11.85 million, spirited away with the grace of a yeti evading a tourist’s camera. Bhutan, that quaint member of the crypto aristocracy, mines its digital gold rather than pilfering it from the open market-how quaintly self-sufficient!
Ah, the Senate. A place where ideas rise and fall like the tides, but some, like Ted Cruz, are determined to keep them stuck in place. The Texas Republican, ever the crusader, has decided that a temporary ban on Central Bank Digital Currency (CBDC) is simply not enough. No, no-he’s filed amendment SA 4318, seeking to remove the 2030 sunset clause from the 21st Century ROAD to Housing Act. Cruz wants that ban to linger longer than any of us would ever like to admit. A permanent ban. Because, who doesn’t love permanence?
One could imagine Vitalik, perched on some invisible cloud of computation, penning a post on X, declaring the virtues of Minimmit as though it were a delicate porcelain teacup rather than a proposal for blockchain engineering. He suggests-quite audaciously-that by sacrificing a modest portion of fault tolerance, one might gain stronger safeguards against the dread specter of worst-case attacks.
In a display as predictable as a Brideshead reunion gone awry, Bitcoin (that quixotic creature) began its week with a flourish, even as global equities performed their own macabre dance of despair. After a volatile dip to $65,600-a mere hiccup in its grand narrative-the cryptocurrency ascended to $69,497, a number as suggestive as it is arbitrary. It later settled near $68,500, a 2% gain that left the markets gasping for breath, like a debutante after her first waltz.
The Swiss-headquartered bank will serve as a listing sponsor on the 21X platform, which operates under the EU’s DLT Pilot Regime. To build out the supporting infrastructure, AMINA partnered with Tokeny, a Luxembourg-based technology provider, creating an end-to-end tokenization stack covering regulated custody through to on-chain trade execution. Because nothing says “financial stability” like trusting a blockchain to handle your money. Trust us, it’s secure.
According to Blockchain metrics, 95.24% of Bitcoin’s total supply has been mined, which is like realizing you’ve eaten 95% of the pizza and now you’re left with the crust. Thanks to the 2024 halving, block rewards have been slashed from 6.25 BTC to 3.125 BTC per block. It’s like your allowance getting cut in half, but instead of complaining to your parents, you just keep mining. Reaching the 99% threshold won’t happen until February 2035, which is roughly the same time I plan to finally clean out my garage.
The stock, a mere shadow of its former self (down 57% in six months), has somehow outpaced Bitcoin and even Microsoft this year. How? By embracing volatility like a long-lost lover, its amplified swings now a shareholder’s serenade. Oh, the irony of financial markets-where chaos breeds opportunity.
If you thought the world of cryptos was small and your bank account reflected that, think again. Bitmine Immersion Technologies-by far the most tasteful name for a company that apparently thinks it can out-crypt the rest of us-added 60,976 ETH last week, swooping in like a billionaire with an extra suitcase. That puts their total … Read more
Last week, XRP basked in institutional admiration, outperforming the market with the self-satisfaction of a debutante at a country ball. Alas, CoinShares now reports that the profit-taking season has arrived-capital, it seems, prefers the exit rather than polite conversation.
As the market slumped into its latest slump, the holders-those brave souls who’d bet their futures on blockchain-panicked like startled jackrabbits. Positions were closed with the speed of a tumbleweed in a gale, and the market, already bruised, took a body blow. Prices tumbled, not with dignity, but with the grace of a housecat chasing its tail.
