Hacker Trades $54M in Crypto for Pokémon Cards – Jail Time Not Included

So, this guy Jonathan Spalletta (or “Cthulhon,” if you’re nasty) decided that stealing $54 million from Uranium Finance was a better life choice than, say, getting a 9-to-5. Two hacks in April 2021 later, and Uranium Finance was left in the dust, probably wondering if they should’ve invested in better smart contracts instead of a fancy logo.

Russia’s New Crypto Rules: Strict, Limited, and Totally Under Control

So, Russia, in all its glory, has decided that crypto trading will now be an exclusive club, run by the government. All transactions? Yeah, they have to go through licensed intermediaries. How’s that for control? The official reason is to make everything super transparent and to protect the poor, unsuspecting small investors from making any bad decisions. Sure, sounds legit.

Qubic’s Dogecoin Mining Launch: 10% More Revenue Than Mining Doge Alone!

The presentation focused on Qubic’s “Doge Connect” system, which connects miners working on the Dogecoin network to Qubic’s network. This allows Qubic to dedicate all its own computer power to developing its AI project, Aigarth. According to Joetom, the system uses a central component that connects to mining pools, converts tasks between the two networks, confirms results, and sends them back into Qubic’s system.

Keyrock’s Billion-Dollar Waltz: Crypto, Cash, and a Dash of Wildean Wit

Behold, the digital asset market maker Keyrock has secured a fresh Series C, a financial feast led by the ever-so-chic SC Ventures of Standard Chartered. The result? A valuation of $1.1 billion, as it hungrily eyes $100 million in new capital to expand its global trading and asset management empire. Ripple, that stalwart of the crypto cosmos, also joined the soirée, extending a relationship as enduring as a Wildean epigram. The funds, we are assured, shall be deployed to fortify its balance sheet, broaden its market making and options offerings, and pursue acquisitions in adjacent niches-because, darling, one can never have too many baubles.

Russia’s Crypto Crackdown: Say Goodbye to Your Moon Dreams!

BTCUSDT Chart

On a rather gloomy Monday, the Russian Ministry of Finance (those jolly old bean counters) announced with great fanfare that Moscow had given the nod to a bundle of draft laws. These laws, my dear readers, are designed to legalize the circulation of digital currencies and digital rights within Russia. But fear not, for they come with a delightful twist: retail “non-qualified” investors (that’s you, average Joe) are now shackled with an annual purchase limit of about ₽300,000 (a measly $3,700) per broker. And oh, the joy doesn’t end there! You can only dabble in a narrow list of high-liquidity coins, handpicked by the central bank. How utterly thrilling!

Ripple Prime Lets Institutions Trade Gold, Silver & Oil 24/7 On-Chain

Ripple Prime, led by CEO Michael Higgins, is now offering institutions the ability to trade commodity perpetuals around the clock. This is done through a streamlined system that combines the benefits of traditional finance (TradFi) and decentralized finance (DeFi), offering a single point of access for trading, margin management, risk control, and counterparty interaction.