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With the dramatic flair of seasoned actors, these lawmakers dispatched their heartfelt letter to the Treasury, highlighting a transaction that whisked away a 49% equity stake in the project to an entity backed by none other than the United Arab Emirates-just 96 hours before Trump donned his presidential robe. Ah, timing is everything, is it not?

On this fine day, the 15th of February (mark it well in your calendars, for it will surely go down in the annals of history), our brave XRP surged a staggering 11%. A breakout, they said! A bullish awakening, they proclaimed! As if the bears had finally decided to take a long nap, leaving the bulls with an open pasture and nothing but fresh grass to munch on.

Following its recent paroxysm of exuberance, Bitcoin has retreated into a phase of consolidation, a term that, in this context, might as well mean “napping with one eye open.” Instead of a dramatic retreat, the market clings to a narrow range, as traders, those fickle creatures, lock in profits while newcomers tiptoe in, as if approaching a sleeping bear with a stick. The broader trend, we are assured, remains “tilted toward higher levels,” though one wonders if it is merely leaning against the wall, too bored to commit.

The real drama is in the futures markets. CME, the darling of U.S. hedge funds, shows traders are still betting big on bitcoin, according to Greg Cipolaro, NYDIG’s resident brain. Meanwhile, Deribit, the offshore playground, is looking a bit like a deflated bouncy castle.

And now, enter Apollo, the asset manager with a wallet as deep as the Mariana Trench. They’ve decided to swoop in and snatch up 90 million MORPHO tokens over the next two years. At today’s prices, that’s a cool $115.2 million! Or, as I like to call it, “a lot of matzo balls.”