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A federal appeals court just handed Kalshi a massive win, saying that New Jersey doesn’t have the power to stop Kalshi from offering sports-related contracts. Why? Because, according to the ruling, Kalshi’s event contracts are firmly in the hands of federal law, specifically the Commodity Exchange Act. This means New Jersey’s attempt to regulate Kalshi as a traditional sportsbook is, well, not happening. And the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, based in Philadelphia, couldn’t be clearer: Kalshi’s sports contracts are not bets-they’re swaps. You know, like those things that rich people use to hedge against the uncertainty of their yachts sinking.

Then Trump-yes, that guy-decided to add his own seasoning to the chaos. On Truth Social, he warned Iran they’d be “living in Hell” if the Strait of Hormuz doesn’t magically reopen. He even threw in a deadline, like a kid with a homework assignment, saying Tuesday or else: attacks on power plants and bridges. Charming.

In recent days, SHIB has demonstrated a level of fortitude you wouldn’t expect from something that looks like the crypto equivalent of a glorified novelty toy. With its price stubbornly clinging to the $0.000006 mark, it seems determined to hold steady, like a drunken man who insists he is perfectly fine to drive. In the world of meme coins, this is quite a feat. As long as SHIB manages to avoid the dreaded plunge into oblivion, the chance of a breakout – not to mention a potential windfall – remains somewhat higher than its likelihood of total collapse.

Bitmine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), the corporate equivalent of that friend who won’t stop bragging about their crypto gains, now holds 4.8 million ether (ETH), valued at roughly $10.2 billion. Yes, billion. With a B. They’re practically knocking on the door of their 5% ETH dominance goal, because apparently, 4.8 million isn’t enough to satisfy their insatiable appetite for digital coins.

Apparently, the bears are still lurking in the corner, ready to pounce and turn this green candle into a sad, red frown. And let’s not forget the geopolitical drama-because nothing says “stable market” like Trump and Iran playing a high-stakes game of chicken over the Strait of Hormuz. Easter eggs and threats of “Power Plant Day”? Sure, why not. It’s 2024, after all.

With this latest purchase, Strategy now holds a total of 766,970 Bitcoin. The company has invested approximately $58.02 billion in Bitcoin, averaging around $75,644 per coin.

So, Rwanda’s central bank, apparently the fun police of money, decided to remind everyone that cryptocurrencies are still a big, fat nope. Why now? Because Bybit dared to let people trade in Rwandan francs. The horror. The scandal. I mean, who even thought that was a good idea?

News coming from North Korea often sounds like something out of a conspiracy thriller. Surprisingly, these reports are usually accurate and rarely exaggerated.

But the question on every chap’s lips is: Can HYPE price break above $45 and make a dash for the dizzying heights of $60? Read on, dear reader, for our HYPE price prediction, dashed with a spot of Wodehousian wit.

Michael Saylor’s “Strategy” Buys 4,871 Bitcoin for $330M Between April 1st and 5th, Michael Saylor’s company, Strategy, purchased an additional 4,871 Bitcoin for roughly $329.9 million – averaging $67,718 per Bitcoin. This increases their total Bitcoin holdings to 766,970, which they’ve acquired for approximately $58.02 billion, at an average price of $75,644 per coin. This … Read more