🚀 Jiuzi’s $1B Crypto Gamble: Because EVs Aren’t Chaotic Enough

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In a move that surprised exactly no one who’s ever watched a company try to distract investors with shiny objects, Jiuzi Holdings Inc. (NASDAQ: JZXN)-a retailer and franchisor of New Energy Vehicles (NEVs) in China-watched its shares briefly rocket up by 55.5% in premarket trading Wednesday. This happened right after the company announced a $1 billion plan to dive headfirst into the cryptocurrency pool, presumably while shouting “WHEEEEE!” 🎢

The strategy, which involves Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), and BNB (because why not?), comes with a “dedicated risk oversight framework”-which is corporate-speak for “we Googled ‘how to not lose all our money in crypto’ and clicked the first link.” The move is being framed as a “strategic step to diversify corporate assets,” which is what companies say when they realize selling cars is hard and digital Monopoly money is more fun.

Because Nothing Says “Stable Growth” Like Volatile Digital Assets

Jiuzi operates in China’s NEV sector, a market so competitive it makes gladiator battles look like a polite game of chess. With domestic giants like BYD and NIO, plus Tesla elbowing its way in, the company clearly decided that the best way to stand out was to throw a billion dollars into the crypto blender and see what happens. 🎰

The board-approved plan starts with Bitcoin, Ethereum, and BNB-because diversification means buying three things instead of one-and comes with strict governance rules. (Translation: “We promise not to YOLO this entire thing into Dogecoin. Probably.”) Investors, thrilled by the prospect of corporate-level crypto gambling, briefly sent shares up 55.5% before remembering that crypto winters exist.

The “We Swear We Thought This Through” Committee

Jiuzi, in a stroke of genius, formed a Crypto Asset Risk Committee, led by CFO Gao Huijie, whose job is presumably to say things like, “Are we sure about this?” at least once per meeting. The company clarified it won’t self-custody the digital assets-because losing the keys to a billion dollars in a forgotten hard drive would be awkward-and promised that any expansion beyond the approved cryptos would require “reassessment and board approval,” which is code for “we’ll panic-buy whatever’s trending next.”

CEO Li Tao, in a statement that could double as a fortune cookie, said, “This initiative represents a proactive step in financial management to protect and enhance long-term shareholder value.” Translation: “We have no idea if this will work, but it sounds better than admitting we’re bored.”

Dr. Doug Berger, the newly appointed Chief Operating Officer, will oversee this financial adventure, presumably while muttering, “I signed up for cars, not magic internet money.” Analysts noted the plan resembles strategies from MicroStrategy and Tesla-because nothing inspires confidence like copying the guys who bought Bitcoin at its peak. 🌋

Market Reaction: A Brief Moment of Euphoria Followed by Existential Dread

The share surge was brief, much like the average attention span of a crypto trader. Jiuzi’s structured oversight and “transparency measures” suggest they’re at least pretending to be cautious. Whether this corporate treasury experiment ends in triumph or disaster remains to be seen-but hey, at least it’s more entertaining than another earnings call about battery efficiency. 🔋💸

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2025-09-25 04:57