Smarter Web Company Just Surfed a £41.2M Tsunami Into Bitcoin 🌊💸 (What Could Go Wrong?)

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Somewhere in the mist-shrouded land known as the UK, where tea outnumbers humans and starting a hedge fund only requires a kettle and a sharp suit, the Smarter Web Company—motto: “We’re not the Dumbest”—just managed to hoover up a grand total of £41.2 million from institutional investors. Apparently, dragons weren’t available, so they went with “accelerated bookbuild”, which is less about books and more about very rich people buying shares in a feverish hurry, possibly before someone shouts “Tea’s ready!”

Flush with fresh gold, the company promptly did what every over-caffeinated startup dreams of: threw over $20 million at Bitcoin, buying 196.8 shiny bits of it in one go. This is part of their “Wizardly 10-Year Plan,” which mostly involves stacking Bitcoins like dragon gold, only without the fire hazard.

Never ones for subtlety, they announced their purchase on X (which is what Twitter has to call itself at parties now). Their investor relations specialist, whose previous role was probably “Dog That Catches Cars,” described the move as “a strategic treasury initiative to diversify and impress dinner guests.”

— The Smarter Web Company (@smarterwebuk) June 24, 2025

After this frenzied shopping spree, their Bitcoin chest bulked up from a modest 83.24 BTC at the end of May to 543.52 BTC—a truly Herculean leap for digital coin hoarding. Five lavish purchases in June alone, because when you see a rollercoaster, you get on and hold your hat. 🎢

Their grand crypto pile has grown, but the stock market reacted in that classic “humans meet the future” way: by fainting. Shares in TSWCF on the US OTCQB market swooned 15%, collapsing elegantly from $3.56 down to $3.19, like a Victorian lady upon seeing an ankle. Investors, it seems, have a love/hate relationship with wizards, especially when wizards buy magic beans.

Will the Smarter Web Company’s magical Bitcoin adventure bring them untold riches, a gentle scolding from accountants, or just a really good story for the next annual meeting? Only time, and perhaps a small dragon, will tell. 🐉

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2025-06-27 14:13