Crypto VC Funding: Is Bitcoin the Ex They Can’t Quit? 😱💔

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Welcome to the US Crypto News Morning Briefing-your daily dose of financial drama, served with a side of sarcasm. ☕️✨

Grab your coffee (or your crypto tears) and let’s dive into the venture capital (VC) circus. Apparently, VCs are still throwing money at crypto startups like it’s 2021, but with the enthusiasm of someone who’s been ghosted by Bitcoin. 👻💸 Investors are betting big on blockchain, from AI-driven DeFi to tokenized assets, because who needs a stable economy when you can have digital chaos? 🎢

Crypto News of the Day: VC Funding Hits a 5-Year Nap Time 😴💤

Galaxy Research just dropped the mic: crypto VC funding had its slowest quarter since the last time I wore low-rise jeans. Q2 2025 saw under $2 billion in funding, which is basically pocket change for Elon Musk. Part of this is because Q1 was inflated by a $2 billion mega-investment into Binance-thanks for nothing, statistical quirks! 📉

Even after adjusting for that, the slowdown is real. Investors are acting like they just saw a ghost (or a bear market). Why? Oh, just the usual: global economy being a mess, AI stealing the spotlight, and big institutions playing it safe with ETFs instead of risky startups. 🌍🤖💼

  • Global economy: still a dumpster fire 🔥🗑️
  • AI: the new cool kid in town, stealing all the lunch money 💻💰
  • ETFs: the crypto equivalent of a participation trophy 🏆

Surprisingly, established companies are getting the lion’s share, while early-stage startups are left eating crumbs. 🦁🍞

But wait, there’s a plot twist! Crypto mining is suddenly the belle of the ball, raking in over half a billion dollars. XY Miners just scored $300 million from Sequoia, because apparently, mining is cool again? Thanks, AI, for making computing power the new black. 💎💻

Geographically, the US is back on top (go team!), followed by the UK, Japan, and Singapore. Newcomers are grabbing deals, but the big bucks are going to the old guard from 2018. Moral of the story: experience matters, even in crypto. 🏆👵

Bitcoin and VC Funding: It’s Complicated 💔📈

Remember when Bitcoin and VC funding were the ultimate power couple? Well, they’ve hit a rough patch. Bitcoin’s been rallying since 2023, but VC funding is like, “I’m good, thanks.” The link between the two is weaker than a decaf latte. ☕️💔

Venture funds are also feeling the pinch, with fewer new funds launching. The ones that did launch are bigger, because apparently, size matters in crypto too. 🏋️♂️💰

Higher interest rates, the 2022-2023 crypto winter, and AI siphoning off all the cool kids are to blame. Plus, digital asset treasury products are like the new Tinder for institutions-easier and less risky. 📉❄️

But hey, there’s hope! Washington’s pro-crypto vibes (stablecoin rules, market reforms) might lure TradFi players back into the game. If the macro stars align and regulations stop being a buzzkill, this lull could be the calm before the storm. 🌪️✨

Charts of the Day: Graphs That Tell a Story 📊📈

This chart shows quarterly crypto VC capital and deal count from 2016-2025. Spoiler: 2021-2022 were the glory days, and now we’re in a slump. 📉😢

Bitcoin and VC funding used to be BFFs, but since 2023, they’re more like acquaintances at a party. Awkward. 👫💔

Byte-Sized Alpha: Snackable Insights 🍿

Crypto Equities Pre-Market Overview: The Numbers Don’t Lie (But They Do Fluctuate) 📊💹

Company At the Close of August 11 Pre-Market Overview
Strategy (MSTR) $399.00 $398.01 (+0.25%)
Coinbase Global (COIN) $320.35 $319.11 (+0.39%)
Galaxy Digital Holdings (GLXY) $28.59 $28.56 (+0.11%)
MARA Holdings (MARA) $15.85 $15.81 (+0.20%)
Riot Platforms (RIOT) $11.41 $11.37 (+0.26%)
Core Scientific (CORZ) $14.62 $14.60 (+0.085%)

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2025-08-12 20:07