There are weeks when my investments deliver something more than nausea. This was not one of those weeks. Shiba Inu, the crypto coin that sounds like a dog breed only expensive neighbors own, has apparently been “preparing for a significant price move,” which is right up there with “I’m working on myself” in terms of concrete results. I woke up to discover it was down 2.8%-the kind of number that makes you question your lifestyle choices, not to mention your belief in magic internet money.
It’s apparently forming something called an “inverse head and shoulders pattern.” Which, if you’re over thirty, is not to be confused with whatever your chiropractor did to you last Tuesday. Javon Marks, who I assume is a crypto analyst and not my childhood orthodontist, assures us that this means Shiba Inu could surge 540%. Sure, Javon. Maybe next it will do my taxes.
When Your Coin Starts Mimicking Yoga Poses
If you squint hard enough at the 5-day candlestick chart-and by squint, I mean stare until your eyes go dry-you’ll see this inverse head and shoulders deal emerging. Apparently, we’re still in the “final shoulder areas,” so about as reassuring as being told, “You just need to wait for your right kidney to finish growing, then you’ll be good as new.” This pattern has been forming literally since 2022, which means even my houseplants have matured faster. The “head” was carved out during last year’s bear market, which, not coincidentally, was also the era when every crypto investor started muttering about retail jobs.
If-and we must fantasize here-the pattern breaks out, Shiba Inu could run far and fast, like me dodging my neighbor’s dog when I forget treats. This setup is the Holy Grail of chartists: one of those mystical reversal patterns that ushers in glory days and Twitter victory laps. Usually the glory days look suspiciously like last weekend’s hangover, but let’s not spoil the mood yet.
540% Gain or “Crypto Twitter” Mass Delusions?
According to Marks’s mystical crystal ball, a breakout would send SHIB to $0.000081. This is, mathematically, a 540% leap from where it currently wallows. (If you just coughed up your oat milk latte, you are not alone.) There is, however, zero mention of a timeline. Not “tomorrow,” not “by the next halving,” not even “when Mars colonizes itself and comes up with its own coin.” The prophecy requires, I quote, “volume and a bounce” from a solid support level, which is technical analysis speak for “we need a lot more hype and fewer memes.”
If SHIB does manage to rocket to these heights, it’ll be nipping at the heels of its all-time high of $0.00008616, a figure about as old as my last functional phone charger. Marks teases that maybe, just maybe, we’ll see shiny new records set. But for now? At this very moment, SHIB is trading at $0.00001263. That’s a 6.2% slide from the heady heights reached twelve hours ago, and exactly enough to make you reconsider your career in speculative cartoon dog coins.
So yes, crypto believers: dream big, dream in candlestick patterns, and remember-the only head and shoulders guaranteed to work is still the shampoo. 🐕💰🤷♂️
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2025-08-25 18:22