In an act of financial caprice that would make Nero blush, a Bitcoin oligarch-whose fortune could fund several small revolutions-has abruptly abandoned his golden calf in favor of Ethereum. With the finesse of a drunken aristocrat at a roulette table, he liquidated billions in BTC, plunging headlong into ETH, as if suddenly struck by divine inspiration-or perhaps indigestion.
Last week, with the casual indifference of a man ordering a second bottle of claret, the whale offloaded 22,769 BTC-a mere $2.59 billion-and, in a fit of whimsy, acquired nearly half a million ETH. Not content with mere spot purchases, he wagered another $577 million on perpetual longs, as though daring the gods of finance to smite him.
By Monday, having grown weary of his own audacity (or perhaps spotting a better luncheon opportunity), he cashed out $450 million of his longs, pocketing $33 million in profit-enough to buy a modest villa in the south of France, if one were feeling frugal. Undeterred by reason, he then tossed another $108 million into spot ETH, as if playing financial Russian roulette with a six-shooter loaded with five bullets.
This Bitcoin OG is closing his $ETH longs and buying $ETH spot.
He has closed 95,053 $ETH($450M) longs at $4,735 avg for a profit of $33M+, then bought 23,575 $ETH($108M) spot.
He still holds 40,212 $ETH($184M) longs, with an unrealized profit of $11M+.
– Lookonchain (@lookonchain) August 25, 2025
The Delicate Ballet of Whales and Fools
As is customary in these absurd financial circuses, lesser traders now scramble to divine meaning from the whale’s erratic maneuvers, like peasants interpreting the flight patterns of drunken storks. ETH, ever the coquette, has flirted with new highs-up 25%-while Bitcoin sulks in the corner, down 7%, nursing its wounded pride.
Such is the capricious nature of crypto: fortunes shift like sand in a desert storm, and today’s visionary is tomorrow’s cautionary tale. One can only hope the whale remembers to tip the waitstaff.
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2025-08-26 09:25