The Great Bitcoin Heist: One Whale’s Hilarious Houdini Act with Ethereum! 🐳💸

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My dear friends, let me tell you about a rather grumpy Bitcoin billionaire who’s been up to some absolutely *sneaky* business. According to the clever folks at Lookonchain, this particular whale has been tossing aside his BTC like it’s last week’s soggy fish and chips, and instead, has been scooping up Ethereum like it’s going out of fashion. 😏

Just in the past 12 hours, he sold 2,000 BTC-yes, 2,000!-worth a monstrous $221 million. And what did he do with that cash? Oh, he *obviously* spent it all on 49,850 ETH, which is now sitting in his wallet like a pride of greedy little Ethereum coins. 🐆

In total, this whale has been hoarding 691,358 ETH, which is roughly the same as 3 billion dollars. That’s enough to buy every chocolate factory in the world and still have enough left for a *very* large birthday cake. 🎂

For two days, he took a little break, probably to sip tea and plot his next move. But then-*surprise!*-he came back like a bull in a china shop, depositing another 1,000 BTC ($108 million) into Hyperliquid. He sold it all and turned it into ETH, because why not? 🤑

And get this: he closed out a leveraged long position of 96,452 ETH, which is bigger than a giraffe’s neck. He pocketed $2.6 million in profit and immediately threw it at the Ethereum market like it owed him money. 🤡

In the past 14 hours, he’s sold 3,968 BTC ($437 million) and bought 96,531 ETH ($443 million). If this isn’t the most dramatic midlife crisis in crypto history, I don’t know what is. 🐳💥

Bitcoin’s Price: Down 6% (Because It’s Having a Tantrum)

Bitcoin has been acting like a grumpy old bear, slumping from $115,560 to $108,572 over the past week. According to CoinMarketCap, it’s now priced at $108,541.96, which is a 1.35% rise in the past day. But don’t get too excited-it’s still dragging its market cap down to $2.16 trillion, like a toddler refusing to walk. 🐻📉

The fully diluted valuation is $2.27 trillion, and the volume-to-market-cap ratio is 3.41%. The total supply? A measly 19.91 million BTC. That’s enough to make even the greediest of investors yawn. 😴

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2025-08-30 14:59