Crypto’s ‘Up Only’ Mode: Will $850B TGA Trigger the Great Digital Gold Rush? 🚀

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Now, Arthur Hayes, the sharp-witted co-founder of BitMEX, reckons we’re just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the crypto market sprouting wings and flying straight into “up only” territory-*if* the U.S. Treasury can somehow conjure up $850 billion to stuff into its piggy bank, the TGA. 🐖

“Once they’ve drained that bathtub dry,” Hayes chuckled, as the TGA’s balance teetered at $807 billion, “the tide’ll roll back in, and up only can commence!” See, when the Treasury hoards cash like a dragon sitting on gold, it’s not sloshing around in the markets. But once they stop siphoning, *poof*-liquidity magic! 🌊

Of course, not everyone’s buying this hocus-pocus. André Dragosch, the European head of research at Bitwise, rolled his eyes so hard they nearly left his head 🙄. “Net liquidity’s about as useful to crypto as a screen door on a submarine 🚪,” he scoffed. “You’re barking up the wrong blockchain, friend.”

Meanwhile, crypto traders are grinning like they’ve found a dollar on the sidewalk, betting the Fed’s rate cuts will pour gasoline on the fire 🔥. But here’s the kicker: when the Fed slashed rates last week-the first time since 2024-Bitcoin promptly face-planted under $115K. Turns out, markets love a good “sell-the-news” party 🎉.

“Markets had priced in that cut like a bookie in Vegas,” warned Nic Puckrin of Coin Bureau. “Now we’re just picking up the confetti after the parade.” 🎊

Fed Cuts Rates, Crypto Market Sneezes: A Tale of Two Expectations

Chairman Jerome Powell, ever the poker-faced oracle, insisted the Fed’s 19-member brain trust is “divided” on more cuts. Divided? More like stuck in a tug-of-war over a soggy rope 🏺.

But hey, 91.9% of traders think the Fed’s cutting another 50 BPS next month. Either they’re geniuses, or they’ve been sniffing too much ether. 🤡 (The latter’s probably illegal, by the way.)

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2025-09-21 01:02