🚀 Crypto: AI’s Secret Sauce for Financial Domination? 🤑

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What ho, old bean! John D’Agostino, the chap who keeps the institutional strategy ship afloat at Coinbase, has let slip a rather spiffing notion: AI agents, those brainy chappettes, simply must dabble in crypto to navigate the financial markets with any semblance of panache. Apparently, the old-school financial infrastructure is as outdated as a monocle at a tech conference. 😏

If these AI whizz-kids are to tootle about on our behalf, they jolly well need to rely on “true sources of information,” or it’ll be a proper cock-up, D’Agostino chirped to CNBC’s Squawk Box on Tuesday. No kidding, what?

“Artificial intelligence is as scalable as a Jeeves solution to a Bertie Wooster problem, and blockchain, the backbone of crypto, is the infinitely scalable source of truth. Put the two together, and you’ve got a match made in Blighty’s finest club,” he trilled.

These AI agents are already thicker on the ground than toffs at Ascot, building Web3 applications, launching tokens, and hobnobbing with protocols like they own the place. Some are even dipping their toes into trading, which is bound to end in either triumph or a spot of bother. 🕶️

AI Agents Demand Quicker Quid

D’Agostino, ever the sage, pointed out that traditional financial systems are about as suited for real-time, machine-to-machine transactions as a top hat is for a swim. “Asking AI agents to operate on ‘100-year-old financial rails’ is like expecting a chap to win the Derby on a unicycle,” he quipped.

“If we’re to embrace this brave new world where agents zip about at the speed of a well-shaken martini, they need money rails that are equally nippy. And that’s where blockchain and crypto come in, old sport,” he added.

“You wouldn’t try to stream a movie on a dial-up modem, would you? Similarly, you wouldn’t ask these AI chaps to transact with a financial system older than Aunt Agatha’s pearls.”

Bitcoin vs. Gold: A Rather Silly Debate

D’Agostino also weighed in on the tiresome Bitcoin-versus-gold tiff, declaring it about as useful as a chocolate teapot. “Bitcoin’s programmable, digital, and as easy to move as a gossip at a garden party. Gold, on the other hand, is about as practical as a raincoat in a desert,” he said with a wink.

“If you’re fretting about the global money supply growing like a weed and causing inflation, you need assets that can outpace it. Bitcoin’s your man,” he added.

“If you’re one of those chaps worried about inflation, Bitcoin’s the sort of asset that’ll have you sleeping like a baby-provided you’re not checking the price every five minutes.”

He’s also rather bullish on Bitcoin, thanks to the trillions parked in money markets when interest rates were as high as a kite. “As rates dip, that cash will start flowing, and some of it will find its way into Bitcoin. Not all, mind you, but enough to raise an eyebrow or two,” he said.

The Federal Reserve gave rates a haircut on Sept. 17, with more potentially on the horizon. But Jamie Dimon, the JPMorgan cove, reckons the Fed will have a spot of trouble cutting rates unless inflation takes a nosedive. 🧐

Institutions: Not a Herd of Lemmings

D’Agostino poured a dash of cold water on the idea of an institutional crypto stampede, which some have been predicting with the certainty of a London fog. “Institutions aren’t lemmings, old boy. They don’t dash over cliffs in a mad rush. They’re more like Aunt Dahlia-cautious, thoughtful, and not to be hurried,” he said.

“Everyone bangs on about this institutional wave, but in my experience with pensions, endowments, and sovereign wealth funds, they’re not ones for dramatic entrances. They’ll come, but it’ll be more of a stroll than a sprint,” he concluded.

“They’re not lemmings running over a cliff in some giant wave. They’re very, very cautious. They’re very thoughtful.” 

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2025-10-01 09:21