Bitmine Hoards 2.83M ETH: Greedy Gambit Gone Mad! 😂💰

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Ah, behold Bitmine, that cunning crypto king, gorging on a veritable feast of 179,251 ethereum (ETH) these past seven days, swelling its coffers to a grotesque 2.83 million ETH, worth nigh $12.84 billion! This digital dragon now clutches the largest ethereum hoard ever seen, barely outshone by Strategy Inc’s colossal bitcoin mountain. What a farce of avarice! 😉

Bitmine Snatches Another 179K ETH, Fortifying Its Absurd Crypto Realm

Bitmine, that brazen band of Las Vegas illuminati, fiddling with crypto and the Ethereum labyrinth, has unveiled its swollen treasury of $13.4 billion as of Oct. 5. Included therein: 2.83 million ETH, a paltry 192 bitcoin, and $456 million in cash so loose it might slip away like a fleeing miser. And don’t forget their $113 million whim on Eightco Holdings, dubbed “moonshots” with a wink that’s pure mockery. Oh, the hypocrisy! 🚀

Per Fundstrat’s scribbles, Bitmine’s shares wallow in the limelight as America’s most traded, gulping $2.5 billion daily-nestled betwixt JPMorgan and Nike like a fool amid philosophers. Such liquidity hath made BMNR the boisterous belle of Wall Street’s crypto ball. Who knew greed could dance so gaily? 💃📈

Chairman Tom Lee, that eternal optimist, prattled on about his troupe traipsing through Singapore’s Token2049, schmoozing Ethereum’s core conjurers and sundry sorcerers. Lee, with the gravity of a pompous pedant, insisted ethereum’s throne as the bedrock for artificial intelligence (AI) and fiscal follies guides Bitmine’s stratagem. One can’t help but chuckle at such lofty delusions! 🤖

“Ethereum stands as the unrivaled champion with its unwavering fidelity and flawless 100% uptime,” quoth Lee this Monday, his voice dripping with irony. “For ETH’s price is but a bargain basement beckoning to tomorrow’s treasures, hence Bitmine’s treasury gambles chiefly on ETH.” Oh, what a gilded cage of self-deception! 🏛️

Bitmine’s scheme to snatch 5% of ethereum’s essence, as per Lee’s “alchemy of 5%” spout-a homespun hymn to network nirvana and value’s vile compounding among the mighty-reeks of alchemical absurdity. It’s as if Midas himself hath returned, but blind as a bat. 👀💸

In this roaring comedy of errors, the company’s bullish bluster mirrors the institutional herd’s fevered fable: that ethereum, not merely bitcoin, shall orchestrate finance’s grand supercycle. Fie on such predictable pomposity! 😏🌟

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2025-10-06 18:20