Ah, dear reader, welcome to the US Crypto News Morning Briefing-a spectacle of financial folly and digital delirium! 📰✨
Pour yourself a cup of the strongest coffee, for today we delve into the absurdity of a single fund rewriting the rules of finance, blurring the line between crypto and traditional markets like a drunken artist with a smudged palette. 🖌️☕
The Crypto News of the Day: BlackRock’s Bitcoin Juggernaut Nears $100 Billion (Or So They Say) 🚀💸
Behold, BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) is on the cusp of a historic milestone-$100 billion in assets under management (AUM), achieved in a mere 22 months. A feat so preposterous, it makes the Tsar’s beard quiver with envy! 🧔💼
According to ETF analyst Eric Balchunas, this fund has surpassed even the legendary VIG. It now sits at the 19th spot in AUM, a testament to how swiftly Bitcoin has embedded itself into institutional finance-like a tick on a fat dog. 🐕💉
IBIT WATCH: Lost a bit of AUM yesterday due to BTC’s price dip, but made it up with inflows. Still at $99b. So close, yet so far-like a nose hair from greatness. Just passed $VIG (an ETF legend) to take the 19th spot. 🎉📈
– Eric Balchunas (@EricBalchunas) October 9, 2025
Onur, a Near Protocol ambassador and X (Twitter) luminary, notes that IBIT’s $245 million annual fees reflect the breakneck pace of institutional adoption. It outpaces every other BlackRock ETF, some of which have been around longer than your grandmother’s teapot. 🫖💨
With $1.8 billion in inflows last week alone and a path to $100 billion faster than a Gogol character can say “nonsense,” IBIT shows how deep institutional adoption runs when Bitcoin rallies. Or is it just a mad dash for the exit? 🚪🏃♂️
This milestone is not happening in isolation, mind you. It’s part of a larger shift in how capital moves through crypto markets. Analysts now argue that net inflows matter more than fundamentals or narratives-because who needs logic when you have FOMO? 🤡📉
“The only thing that matters in crypto right now is flows…net inflows (buy pressure) are infinitely more important than…fundamentals or narrative,” said analyst Miles Deutscher, presumably while juggling flaming torches. 🔥🤹♂️
IBIT’s dominance in ETF flows is undeniable. Over the past week, it accounted for $3.5 billion in inflows, roughly 10% of all ETF flows across the US market. Even GBTC, the long-time laggard, saw inflows-a sign, Balchunas noted, that “the fish are hungry.” Or perhaps just desperate. 🐟🍴
BlackRock’s Growing Bitcoin War Chest: A Debate About Control (Or Madness?)
Behind these flows lies a staggering accumulation of Bitcoin. As of this week, BlackRock controls over 802,000 BTC, following a fresh purchase of 3,450 coins. At this rate, they’ll hit 1 million BTC holdings sooner than you can say “financial overlord.” 👑💰
🚨 BlackRock Buys 3450 Bitcoin
Now Holds 802,200 BTC
1M Bitcoin Soon. 🤑🚀
– Thomas Fahrer (@thomas_fahrer) October 9, 2025
A recent US Crypto News publication highlighted that BlackRock is nearing Satoshi Nakamoto’s Bitcoin stash. But fear not, for Larry Fink’s ambitions extend far beyond Bitcoin. Investigative journalist Whitney Webb warns that his vision involves tokenizing and financializing natural assets on a “universal ledger”-a scheme so grand, it makes Gogol’s nose twitch with skepticism. 🌍📜
“BlackRock being able to unlock and take control of as many natural assets as possible… is obviously a way for them to expand their control not just over people and the existing financial system, but really over the natural world as well,” Webb said, presumably while dodging paper airplanes. ✈️📰
The convergence of Bitcoin ETF dominance and broader asset tokenization plans suggests a new financial infrastructure where Bitcoin could serve as both a liquidity magnet and a building block in a far more centralized global ledger. Or, as Gogol might say, “a grand farce of epic proportions.” 🎭🌐
Chart of the Day
Byte-Sized Alpha
Crypto Equities Pre-Market Overview
| Company | At the Close of October 8 | Pre-Market Overview |
| Strategy (MSTR) | $330.80 | $328.90 (-0.57%) |
| Coinbase (COIN) | $387.27 | $384.70 (-0.66%) |
| Galaxy Digital Holdings (GLXY) | $41.39 | $41.11 (-0.68%) |
| MARA Holdings (MARA) | $20.20 | $20.24 (+0.20%) |
| Riot Platforms (RIOT) | $21.99 | $22.00 (+0.045%) |
| Core Scientific (CORZ) | $17.53 | $17.53 (+0.022%) |
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2025-10-09 20:00