In the quaint district of Mission Dolores, where tech wealth and crime have, much like oil and water, found an unlikely intersection, a most audacious crime unfolded. A rather elaborate ruse involving a fake delivery escalated into one of the most remarkable crypto thefts in San Francisco’s recent history, leaving a victim deprived of assets valued at a rather staggering $11 million, along with his phone and laptop. Such a spectacle could only occur in this grand city of innovation, I daresay! 😏
Mission Dolores Struck by a Dastardly $11 Million Crypto Heist
According to a report from the San Francisco Chronicle, the fateful heist occurred on a Saturday evening, when one might have expected nothing more than a peaceful stroll through the neighborhood. But, alas! The crime took place on the unit block of Dorland Street, conveniently close to Mission Dolores Park, a place known for its scenic beauty and-unfortunately-its tech-rich denizens who seem to attract the attention of rather unsavory characters. And there, in broad daylight, a man whose appearance was perhaps best described as “suspiciously incognito” made his move.
Home-security footage, uploaded by none other than Y Combinator’s CEO Garry Tan, immortalized the moments leading up to the heist. The suspect, garbed in dark attire, complete with a hooded sweatshirt, gloves, and sunglasses (oh, how original!), approached the residence with an air of mystery, holding a white package in hand. His avoidance of the camera was, of course, no accident.
He rang the doorbell, inquired for “Joshua,” and produced his clever little lie about delivering a box addressed to him. How quaint! The victim, not yet aware that his afternoon was about to take a turn for the farcical, opened the door and confirmed his name. The pretender, now playing the part of a courier, feigned a desperate search for a pen, making the request for a signature all the more convincing. How charming! 😒
The moment the victim-perhaps a touch too trusting-stepped inside to fetch said pen, the intruder swiftly followed and, as one might imagine, took advantage of this innocent gesture. A loud noise was heard, followed by the victim being bound with duct tape, the poor fellow unaware of his fate until it was too late. The assailant made off with his precious belongings. How terribly inconvenient! 🥴
The police arrived promptly at 6:45 p.m., whereupon they discovered the victim with non-life-threatening injuries, though the $11 million in cryptocurrency had, alas, vanished without a trace. As of the Monday morning report, no arrests had been made, and the authorities remain mum on how the crypto was transferred. Such mystery! 🍿
Tan, ever the concerned friend, took to X (forgive me, Twitter) to urge his fellow citizens to come forward if they possessed any security footage between 4:30 and 6 p.m. He was, of course, very concerned about the lack of progress on this matter. “Time is of the essence,” he wrote-how very urgent, indeed. 🕵️♂️
The Great Crypto Conundrum: Self-Custody, Safe Storage, and Where to Keep It All
Tan’s follow-up musings on the subject were not without a touch of sarcasm. He remarked, “Self-custody of crypto seems like a good idea until it isn’t,” followed by a recommendation to store one’s assets in a vault (such as Coinbase, of course) for long-term holding. Yes, indeed-nothing says “safety” like entrusting your wealth to a tech giant. His comments ignited a flurry of debate, drawing the ire and attention of both the tech and crypto communities. The great debate continues: is it better to keep your private keys locked away at home, or should you entrust them to the benevolent hands of others?
As this unfortunate incident shows, there are perils in both paths. While hacks, phishing attacks, and other digital misfortunes have long plagued the crypto world, this heist marks an alarming rise in the physical theft of crypto assets. One might say, it’s the perfect storm of misfortune: digital wealth, physical theft, and the peculiar dangers of living in a city like San Francisco. Who knew?
As of now, the total crypto market cap stands at a most impressive $2.98 trillion. A tidy sum, one might think-perhaps not the sort of fortune one would want to leave unattended in a drawer. 💸
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2025-11-25 14:10