Bitcoin’s grand tumble below $90,000 this week has Wall Street in a full-blown panic 🚨-or at least a moderately panicked LinkedIn post. Strategy, the company that bet its entire 401(k) on Bitcoin, is now sweating like a snowman at a bonfire. Traders are asking: Can MSTR survive if BTC gets cozy with its long-term average purchase price? Spoiler: It’s gonna be a bumpy ride. 🪂
At press time, Bitcoin’s chilling at $86,900-a 21% discount from its peak. Some experts call this a bear market warm-up. Others say it’s just Bitcoin “taking a nap,” which is either adorable or terrifying, depending on your portfolio. 😴
Bitcoin Price Slides: Sellers Are the New DJs
Analyst Jason Pizzino (not a pizza, but equally volatile 🍕) declared Bitcoin’s 10% nosedive since Nov. 28 “textbook” behavior. Volume spiked during the drop, proving sellers were more active than a cat on a Roomba. 🚀
“Sure, buyers might stage a comeback,” Pizzino shrugged, “but don’t hold your breath. This isn’t a Disney movie.”
Historically, when Bitcoin dips below its 200-day moving average, recovery takes “two to three months of awkward small talk.” Mark your calendars for late January-prime time for a crypto reunion special! 🎬
“Bitcoin dumping today is like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. How low can $MSTR go before the CFO starts crying? We saw a Hail Mary rebound today after the panic squad took profits. This soap opera ain’t over.”
🔴 Watch the drama unfold 👇…
– Jason Pizzino 🌞 (@jasonpizzino) December 2, 2025
Strategy’s Existential Crisis: Now Less Than the Sum of Its Parts
Strategy’s market cap just dipped to $45.7 billion-$10 billion shy of its Bitcoin stash. Because nothing says “financial genius” like being worth less than your own savings account. 💸
“THE IMPOSSIBLE JUST HAPPENED
The biggest Bitcoin hoarder on Earth is now ‘worth’ less than its digital Monopoly money.
Strategy’s 650,000 BTC = $55.9 billion.
Market cap: $45.7 billion.
Wall Street just mathematically invented negative value. 🧨”
– Shanaka Anslem Perera ⚡ (@shanaka86) December 1, 2025
With $8.2 billion in debt and a $1.44 billion “rainy day fund,” Strategy’s CEO Phong Le finally admitted they might sell Bitcoin “in an emergency.” Translation: “We’re not totally crazy. Just 70% crazy.” 🧢
JPMorgan warns that getting axed from stock indices could unleash $8.8 billion in forced selling. Meanwhile, with an average BTC buy-in at $74,436, Strategy’s basically break-even-ing like a college kid on ramen. 🍜
Will MSTR survive? Will Bitcoin rally? Will we ever understand why anyone thought this was a good idea? Tune in next time for more financial theater! 🎭
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2025-12-02 18:31