Vitalik’s Milady Revival: Ethereum’s Divine World Machine?

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In the year of our Lord 2026, there arose a figure clad not in armor, but in pixels-a digital Don Quixote-Vitalik Buterin, co-creator of the ethereum, didst once again don the visage of Milady, that enigmatic muse of the blockchain realm. With a manifesto sharper than a serf’s scythe, he proclaimed Ethereum’s destiny: to become the “world computer,” a beacon for an internet unshackled from tyranny. 🤖

“Rejoice, mortals! Milady returns!” he declared, his words echoing through the digital steppes. Yet what manner of progress did this prophet tout? Higher gas limits? A “larger blob count”? (One wonders if the man has ever seen a real sheep.) Behold, the sacred ledger grows! zkEVMs sprint toward performance nirvana, and lo, Ethereum strides toward being “a fundamentally new and more powerful kind of blockchain.” 📈

The World Computer: A Pipe Dream or Divine Mandate?

But lo! This epistle was no victory feast. Nay, it was a jeremiad. “The network falters,” cried Buterin, “its promises unfulfilled!” He scorned the trend-chasers, the scribes of memecoins, the charlatans peddling “tokenized dollars” as if they were indulgences. “Let us not grovel for the next viral narrative,” he thundered, “but build the world computer-a temple of code immune to North Korean hackers and Cloudflare’s temperamental whims!” ⚔️

What, pray, is this “world computer”? A machine that endures when developers vanish, that hums serenely should Amazon’s servers combust mid-Tuesday. Imagine! Applications uncorrupted, un-censored, un-whatever, surviving even if Kim Jong-un personally DDoSs the moon. 🌕

“Decentralization!” he roared, smiting the heretics who dare pit scalability against sovereignty. “Let it be usable, yet decentralized as the stars!” (One imagines him scolding a gaggle of client developers: “Your software is garbage, fix it!”) 👨‍💻

To this end, Ethereum’s knights must sharpen all blades: protocol, privacy, infrastructure. No more excuses! “We have the tools,” he intoned, “but will we wield them?” A call to arms, or perhaps a passive-aggressive GitHub PR. 🔧

At press time, ETH traded at $3,030-a sum that could buy either a Tesla or a particularly fancy NFT ape. The choice, dear reader, is yours. 🐵

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2026-01-02 10:37