Tennessee’s Curious Case of Cease-and-Desist, BNY’s Digital Deposits, & OKX’s Shake-Up | Weekly Whimsy Recap 🎭

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In this week’s edition of the weekly recap, Tennessee officials played moral sentinels by ordering prediction markets to halt their scandalous sports betting shenanigans, while BNY Mellon waltzed into the future with tokenized deposits. Meanwhile, OKX restructured its institutional team-because nothing says “progress” like layoffs and existential dread. 🎭

the culprits kept all the ETH. 🕵️

Trump rejects Bankman-Fried pardon possibility

  • Donald Trump, that paragon of mercy, refused to pardon Sam Bankman-Fried. A man who once said “not gonna happen” to a reporter. How unpresidential. 🤡
  • The rejection came while discussing pardons for Sean “Diddy” Combs. Priorities, Donald. Priorities. 🎤

Florida proposes state Bitcoin reserve legislation

  • Florida lawmakers filed a bill to create a state Bitcoin reserve. Because nothing says “fiscal responsibility” like betting tax dollars on crypto. 🏛️
  • The proposal arrives ahead of the 2026 session. Mark your calendars! 📅

Optimism Foundation proposes token buyback program

  • The Optimism Foundation suggested buying back OP tokens to “align” them with the Superchain. Because nothing stabilizes a token like throwing money at it. 🎯
  • 50% of Superchain revenue would fund monthly buybacks. A financial strategy so bold, it’s almost ironic. 🧐

Indian tax authorities challenge crypto enforcement

  • India’s taxmen complained about crypto enforcement. Tracking transactions? Too much work. 🚫
  • Officials whined to parliament about “challenges” taxing VDAs. Translation: crypto makes stealing from citizens harder. 😤

Rumble integrates non-custodial crypto wallet

  • Rumble launched a non-custodial wallet, letting users tip creators in crypto. Because nothing says “freedom” like bypassing payment intermediaries. 🚀
  • Supports Bitcoin, USDT, and Tether Gold. Perfect for those who hate banks but love gold. 🥇

Ledger partner suffers data breach

  • Ledger’s e-commerce partner Global-e got hacked. Ledger assured users their wallets remain secure. Reassuring! 🛡️
  • Lesson: Even crypto’s “safe” spaces are about as secure as a chocolate teapot. 🍵

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2026-01-11 12:32