Bitcoin Plunges Into Absurdity: Regulations Fail, Prices Fall, Panic Springs!

Like a particularly irritable alien that has just read its own obituary, Bitcoin (BTC) slipped deeper into the ether after a week of stetson‑sized hesitations. For a fleeting moment it dipped below the wily $85,000 threshold, proving that progress on US crypto regulation can be as comforting as a flat pack sofa without an Allen key.

Crypto Prices Fall Despite Regulatory Progress

The downturn unfolded on the same day the Senate Agriculture Committee attempted to put a constitutional bandage on the paradoxical beast of digital assets. The CLARITY Act-whose name is weirder than the plot of a Hitchhiker’s Guide episode-was savoured by hopefuls, only to be dismissed by the market as a brief digestive upset that didn’t justify breakfast at the bar.

Instead of launching a ticker‑tape parade, the news coincided with a frolicsome sell‑off that saw BTC slide roughly $2,700 in a flash that could rival a Vogon poetry recital. The resulting cascade of liquidations chewed away an estimated $356 million in long positions, leaving the market losers all the more fond of their disappointment.

Coinglass data confirm that in the last 24 hours, liquidations totalling about $803 million plagued the crypto cosmos-$693 million in longs vanishing faster than a towel in a gulch, and $109 million in shorts that were short on expectations.

Bitcoin Hovers Near Breakdown Levels

Earlier today, the CLARITY Act, having cleared a procedural hurdle, was ominously brushed off as mere paperwork, devoid of the transformative power to keep anyone from leaping off the bridge of a market the size of Betelgeuse. The bill intends to bring order to the US digital asset jungle, but its effect is comparable to putting a lollipop on a stone pillar.

Lawmakers now face the evolutionary challenge of merging the Expanded Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) locus with the Securities and Exchange Commission’s (SEC) domain-an endeavour that currently resembles attempting to blend a Vogon and a Trillian in a single conversation. The hope for bipartisan assent hangs like a improbably heavy apple.

From a technical angle, the analyst at Rekt Capital suggested that soon tomorrow’s near‑future is about ensuring that the old range low at around $86,000 doesn’t morph into a stubborn refrain. A weekly close above that line would avert a deeper descent into cataclysmic confusion.

Should Bitcoin dare to dip below the $86,000 zone, it would open the door for yet another voyage to the 82,500 trigonometrical bottom-a deeper plunge that would ignite the bearish momentum as fervently as a starship attempting to outrun a black hole’s gravity.

Graph of Bitcoin's descent into the surreal

For now, the crypto giant has rescued itself to $85,135 before sleep-and-sit‑in on the cliff-edge. Friday’s price action will determine whether Bitcoin will tip into the abyss or simply waltz into the ledger of history with a sarcastic grin.

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2026-01-30 00:29