Capital B and Metaplanet Go Bitcoin Bonkers! Digital Gold Rush Turns Corporate Execs Into Treasure-Hunting Pirates

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Capital B, the Parisian money-magicians who think Bitcoin grows on trees, proudly announced they’ve scooped up 8 more BTC for €0.5 million-now hoarding enough digital gold to make Scrooge McDuck blush (2,844 BTC worth €264.4 million, to be precise).

These self-proclaimed “Europe’s First Bitcoin Treasury Company” also bragged about their year-to-date BTC yield of 0.29%, which is roughly as exciting as watching paint dry but hey, tiny treasure counts!

Corporate Pirates Flood Two Continents With Bitcoin Greed

Since adopting the “Bitcoin standard” in November 2024-because obviously, regular money is too boring-Capital B has been buying BTC like it’s going out of style. Their latest splurge? 8 BTC at €60,934 each, funded by an ATM-style cash machine for shareholders (€0.71 per share, in case you’re feeling generous).

Alexandre Laizet, Capital B’s Director of Bitcoin Daydreams, tweeted the big news on March 16, probably while wearing a pirate hat.

🟠 Capital ₿ bought 8 BTC for €0.5 million (€60,934 each) and achieved a thrilling 0.29% BTC yield this year. As of 3/16/2026, $ALCPB owns 2,844 BTC worth €264.4 million (€92,971 per BTC). Europe’s First Bitcoin Treasury Company 🇫🇷 – where dreams meet blockchains!

– Alexandre Laizet ⚡️ (@AlexandreLaizet) March 16, 2026

Meanwhile, across the globe in Japan, Metaplanet decided to one-up everyone by launching a share sale that sucked $255 million from institutional investors. Because why just mine Bitcoin when you can mine credulity too?

CEO Simon Gerovich, clearly auditioning for a role as a financial wizard, claimed the new shares were priced at a 2% premium. Bonus: fixed-strike warrants at a 10% premium, which sounds like a Black Friday deal but for billionaires.

Metaplanet raised ~$255m from global investors via a share sale priced at a 2% premium, plus warrants at 10% that monetize equity volatility for ~$276m more when exercised. Total buying power: ~$531m. Because why stop at one dragon’s hoard?

– Simon Gerovich (@gerovich) March 16, 2026

Those “fixed-strike warrants” could magically print $276 million more when exercised, giving Metaplanet enough firepower to buy… more Bitcoin! Total stash: up to $531 million. Someone alert the treasure hunters.

Metaplanet Invents Magic Warrants That Print Money (Sort Of)

Gerovich then unveiled 100 million “Moving Strike Warrants” with a mNAV clause so convoluted it belongs in a Roald Dahl villain’s contract. Exercise only allowed if the stock trades above 1.01x mNAV-aka a loophole so narrow even a squirrel accountant would yawn.

Metaplanet issued 100 million Moving Strike Warrants with a mNAV clause. Exercise only when stock >1.01x mNAV, ensuring every new share boosts shareholder value. This could raise $234M… but only when it’s convenient.

– Simon Gerovich (@gerovich) March 16, 2026

The gimmick could net $234 million more, but only when it “accretes” BTC per share-corporate speak for “we’ll do it when it makes us look good.”

“~$255m to buy more $BTC,” deadpanned Dylan LeClair, who clearly needs a nap.

Metaplanet’s grand plan? Accumulate 210,000 BTC by 2030. They’re currently sitting on 35,102 BTC (as of 2025) and buying through 2026’s price swings like a kid in a candy store with a broken piggy bank.

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2026-03-16 13:27