Is Bitcoin about to go parabolic?
If there’s one thing history teaches us (apart from “Never leave home without a towel”), it’s that Bitcoin will either go spectacularly parabolic or do something so mind-bogglingly ordinary that your aunt at tea will admit she bought in at $60,000. Look at this chart and tell your accountant you’re studying planetary motion. 🚀
Can Bitcoin break the channel?
This “channel” is less of a mathematical construct and more a cosmic joke. Will Bitcoin escape? Will you win the lottery? Will a whale fall out of the sky onto your portfolio? The answer is: possibly. 🐳💥
Bitcoin had a good second quarter in 2025
By traditional standards (that is, counting things with numbers), 2025 Q2 was excellent. Charts were up, spirits were up, and so were the number of crypto-themed sports cars written off in parking garages. 📈🏎️
Money printing is coming because nothing stops this train
This train does not render to station-stops like “budget” or “fiscal restraint.” No, it hurtles through the night powered by quantitative easing and caffeine. If you listen hard, you can almost hear the printers whirring, and the very faint sound of Chancellors weeping. 🚂🖨️💸
Bitcoin’s Bull Market is 88% Complete
Nothing terrifies the market quite like arbitrary percentages. “88%!” cries the analyst, meaning “Probably!” If you bought in at 87.9%, congratulations, you’re either on the cusp of generational wealth or generational regret. 🦄🤞
Bitcoin’s cycle is closely tied to the strength of global M2
M2 isn’t the sequel to M1 (nobody watched that, anyway). We’re talking “global liquidity”. As M2 rises, so does the general level of smugness amongst investors who can pretend to know what it means. 💼🌍
The Bitcoin ETFs are Eating the Supply
ETFs: the infinitely hungry caterpillars of the Bitcoin world. While Bitcoin tries to play hard to get, the ETFs keep eating whatever’s available, leaving only crumbs, legends, and memes. 🍽️🐛
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- tag and not repeated in the body. The original has a header with the same title, but the user says not to repeat it. So remove the with the same title. Finally, review for HTML syntax, making sure all tags are properly closed and images are in place. Avoid any markdown, just HTML. Let me piece this all together now. Done in 15s. Floki Plummets 13%… But Analysts Whisper of Moonshot Magic 🚀
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2025-07-04 06:45