FTX’s Great Vanishing Act: Billions to Disappear for 49 Countries (China Leads Meltdown!)

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Once upon a rather disastrous time, in the topsy-turvy world of crypto, there existed a grand digital bazaar called FTX. Alas, it had gone bankrupt, leaving behind a host of unhappy creditors clutching empty wallets and waving IOUs. Now, the clever FTX wizards have cooked up a plan—filed on July 2nd—to magically disappear billions that rightly belonged to people in 49 countries where “crypto is a bit dodgy.” Why? Because rules, of course. 😂

The devilishly clever twist: Chinese users get the nastiest bite, representing a whopping 82% of those left standing in this cold game of musical chairs. Imagine buying a golden ticket and discovering it’s just an old banana peel.

Twisting and Tiptoeing Through Legal Swamps

FTX’s new stunt calls these 49 unlucky countries “Potentially Restricted Jurisdictions”—you know, China, Russia, Afghanistan, Ukraine, and a parade of others where fun is usually frowned upon, at least when it comes to crypto.

If you find yourself from one of these grey areas, your claim will slide automatically into the “disputed” pile, where it sits until legal wizards decide if letting you have your money would make lawyers faint. If things look legal—hooray, a payout! If not? The Trust sends a polite “No soup for you!” letter, and you have 45 days to wave your fists, write a strongly worded objection, or maybe just hop on a dragon to America and beg a judge.

Should the magic gavel fall the wrong way and your home becomes “restricted” for FTX’s payout parade, your hard-earned loot vanishes. Poof! All interest too. Everything returns to the FTX Recovery Trust, which—by now—seems less of a trust and more of a piggy bank with a hole you’ll never plug. 🐷

You can imagine the users were not quietly pleased. Crowds took to the internet to rage and howl:

“FTX accepted users from China when things were fine,” grumbled one on X (back in my day we called it Twitter). “Now denying their claims entirely because of ‘restricted jurisdiction’ feels unfair.” (Translation: “Last year we were going to the moon—this year they’re stealing my rocket!”)

As one commentator put it, creditors from these ill-fated lands are “victims,” simply after a taste of repayment with a side order of justice.

Another Chinese claimant, who probably goes by “Will but not Willing,” protested:

“China dislikes crypto, but residents are allowed to clutch those digital coins… Claims are in USD. They can hold USD abroad. So what’s stopping some good old-fashioned wire transfers?”

An air of despair wafted through the forums. “Is there anything that could be done? Or do they just swipe it all?” one user asked, presumably after peering into the void of customer support.
Enter FTX creditor advocate Sunil, who suggested selling or transferring your claim to anyone lucky enough to live somewhere FTX doesn’t fear.

The Payments Parade (Or Lack Thereof)

While this tempest swirled, it wasn’t all bad news on the FTX rollercoaster. Some creditors, the little fish with claims under $50,000, already received 120% payouts (mathematicians, start your engines). Meanwhile, the whale-sized claims caught only 72.5%—the rest allegedly coming by 2027, or whenever pigs fly, whichever’s sooner.

As for the celebrities who once cheered from the FTX sidelines? Most lawsuits have fizzled—except, curiously enough, for Shaquille O’Neal, who had to fork over $1.8 million. The man’s slam dunking losses now.

In the end, FTX’s great global crypto adventure promises more disappearances than a magician’s convention. And for those hoping to escape FTX’s bureaucratic funhouse, a word of advice: Check your jurisdiction—twice. You never know when your money might sprout wings. 🦄

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2025-07-04 23:40