Massive Whale Gets Wrecked as Bitcoin Goes Bananas—Altcoins Join Party!

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For weeks, bitcoin performed with all the excitement of a sleepy sloth on a rainy afternoon. But yesterday, it finally remembered it was supposed to be thrilling and launched itself upward, hitting a dizzying new peak of $120,000 before promptly tripping over its own feet and correcting ever-so-slightly. One could imagine traders everywhere collectively gasping, spilling their overly-caffeinated beverages, and scrambling to check if this time, it really was different. (Spoiler: it never is. But we keep hoping, don’t we?)

Meanwhile, the land of altcoins became the monetary equivalent of an animal parade at a children’s birthday party. Coins with names like PENGU, WIF, and FARTCOIN—yes, FARTCOIN, which sounds like something a British comedian would make up—absolutely rocketed, and not just because of their meme potential. If you’re feeling like you missed out, don’t worry; the market is as whimsical as a cat chasing a laser pointer. 😺💸

Whale Meets the Liquidator: The $51 Million Splash

Bitcoin started the month with the gusto of a Monday morning commuter stuck in traffic, meandering around $105,000. Then, like a toddler on a sugar high, it rebounded past $110,000, promptly flopped back to $108,000, and sat there like it was waiting for instructions from the universe. Monday’s attempted breakout was smothered just as quickly, with bears briefly feeling smug at $109,600.

But come Wednesday, the narrative changed spectacularly. Perhaps it was Donald Trump mumbling about lower interest rates, or perhaps it was the moon entering its third phase of “absolutely bonkers”—but BTC suddenly shrugged off its lethargy, smashed through $110,000, and set a brand-new all-time high at $112,000. Glorious, breathtaking, and a real “hold my beer” moment for crypto fans.🍻

Of course, karma being what it is, someone somewhere always pays the price for everyone else’s celebration. Enter a so-called ‘whale’ (translation: someone rich enough to play with monopoly money, only it’s real). According to CoinGlass, this aquatic metaphor met its financial doom, getting liquidated to the tragic tune of $51 million. If there’s a lesson here, it’s that sometimes, even the biggest fish get filleted.

Bitcoin’s market cap now broods impressively above $2.21 trillion, while its dominance over the altcoins has slipped gently to 62.4%. Perhaps the other coins formed a union. Or maybe bitcoin just wanted a nap.

Bitcoin chart that could double as a seismograph

Altcoins: When the Kids Take Over the Party 🥳

With bitcoin distracted by its own leap, altcoins saw their chance to run amok. This time, ETH actually remembered its password and soared to $2,800 for the first time in what feels like a minor geological epoch. Meanwhile, DOGE (the Shiba Inu of questionable taste), ADA, HYPE, SUI, XLM, AVAX, HBAR, and SHIB all flexed quietly in the green with gains up to 11%. You get a rally! And you get a rally! 🐕🚀

But the real party crashers came from the quirky, lower-cap crowd. PENGU flew (or waddled) upward by 34%, fueled by rumors of a spot ETF—never underestimate the power of internet whispers. WIF and FARTCOIN (again, yes, it’s real) also joined in, up 15% and 13% respectively. One day these will be worth millions, and everyone will pretend this was totally predictable in hindsight.

Altogether, the total market cap of all crypto assets ballooned by $100 billion in just 24 hours, now sitting comfortably around $3.54 trillion. So if you hadn’t noticed, the crypto market is once again the wildest circus in finance, with all the chaos and popcorn you could wish for. 🍿🎪

Altcoins pretending to be responsible assets

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2025-07-10 12:30