Unlocking the Secret Vault: Coinbase Battles the FDIC’s Cloak & Dagger Crypto Cover-up

by

In the shadowed corridors of power, where secrets lurk like rats in the shadows, Coinbase dares to shout: “What are you hiding, FDIC?” The federal guardians of banking, in a display of bureaucratic finesse, have tried to dismiss the cry for truth—like a bad joke at a funeral—by claiming that “pause letters” are just confidential bank examination gossip. 😏

Shocking reports reveal that the FDIC, in its infinite wisdom, waved a broad exemption flag, shrouding these letters—those cryptic whispers to banks—under the grand banner of “confidential records.” All so they could play hide-and-seek with the truth. Coinbase, not one to swallow that nonsense, has slammed the door shut on their stonewalling, demanding the courtroom serve as their spotlight.

Imagine—four court orders, six legal dramas, and still the FDIC tiptoes around, clutching those records like a miser clutching gold. Coinbase’s legal eagle Paul Grewal, with a smirk and a twinkle in his eye, declares that their stubbornness “can’t and won’t stand,” like a cat refusing to move from a sunny spot. 🐱

We’ve filed a motion—no, a full-blown circus—to get more dirt on their FOIA shenanigans, asking for depositions, sworn testimony, and those precious denial letters. Because apparently, transparency is optional when you’re hiding something juicy.

— paulgrewal.eth (@iampaulgrewal) July 31, 2025

The FDIC’s Secret Playbook: Rules Made to Be Broken?

Inside sources whisper of policies so secret, they’d make a spy blush—telling examiners to toss any document touching Exemption 8 into the ash heap, with “no duty to segregate” facts from fluff. It’s like trying to find your keys in a haystack, if the haystack was dressed in bureaucratic robes. 🕵️‍♂️

Earlier hearings revealed the regulators, in their infinite wisdom, had no proper plan—just a fleeting hope that emails mentioning “pause letters” wouldn’t be missed. Spoiler alert: they were. The search was so narrow, it only looked at documents shared with a tiny oversight office, missing the real treasure trove of incriminating memos.

The Banking Bottleneck: When Trust Turns Into Frustration

Turns out, 75% of crypto funds are stuck in a banking gridlock—unable to access solid banking services, like a bad comedy of errors. The banks, trembling with fear of regulatory doom, shun any transaction that smells of crypto. Coinbase and friends are caught in an endless merry-go-round, where every order of court threatens to shed light on who signed the “pause letters” and why the shadows are so long.

In the quest for truth, Coinbase demands every denial letter from the FDIC over the last four years—sworn affidavits, secrets spilled, and perhaps a few laughs along the way. Because when the truth is buried under layers of red tape, only a court-mandated excavation will do the job. 🕳️

Read More

2025-08-02 08:13