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Strategy, in a move that would make Scrooge McDuck blush, has announced the swelling of its USD reserve fund by a cool $748 million, bringing the total to nearly $2.2 billion. This fund, first unveiled earlier in December, is ostensibly designed to cover dividend obligations tied to preferred stocks-essentially, the financial equivalent of a safety net for Bitcoin enthusiasts. 🛡️
In a revelation bordering on the sacramental, one CryptoVizArt.₿-a seer cloaked in the pseudonymous darkness of X (formerly known as Twitter, that den of vice and virtue)-has unveiled the cold, hard numbers. And oh, how the mighty have fallen! Stablecoins-those obedient husks tied by invisible chains to the almighty dollar-have risen like a tide of mechanized monks across the Tron network. USDT and USDC, the twin saints of synthetic stability, now process a staggering $24.2 billion in 90-day smoothed volume. A tide! A deluge! Meanwhile, poor XRP, that flickering candle in the cathedral of crypto, barely sustains $2.2 billion-a mere tithe in comparison! 🤯
This bearish spectacle was allegedly sparked by a single whale’s midday snack: a $17 million sell-off that sent longs tumbling like dominoes. Liquidations? A paltry $1.59 million-nothing more than a pebble in the ocean of chaos. 🐳
Kalshi isn’t just dabbling in the market-no, now they want to be the Oracle of Delphi, but make it finance. The U.S.-regulated prediction market teamed up with PhDs and hogged all the data, claiming they have the “largest and most detailed dataset”-because who doesn’t want a giant dollop of data on their side?
meme coins thrive on chaos.
San Francisco-based The Clearing Company is a startup led by Toni Gemayel, who’s basically the Elon Musk of “I once sold lemonade as a kid.” Terms undisclosed? Of course-they’re too busy counting zeros to tell us what the deal is worth. 💸
The stage is set, and the spotlight falls upon the infamous $0.21 mark. This level, oh how it doth torment thee, Pi Coin! Like a stubborn fool in a comedy, thou canst neither escape nor embrace it fully. Whether thou shalt break free from this shackle or remain ensnared shall determine thy next grand act. 🎭⚖️
Ah, the daily spectacle of the CoinDesk Indices, where fortunes are made and lost faster than you can say “cryptocurrency.” Today’s performance report is brought to you by the letter “C” for Chaos!
Lo! The Defi Development Corporation, that oracle of decentralized fortunes, proclaims: SOL’s coffers swell with $1.4 billion, while ETH’s hollow echo dwindles to $522 million. A “regime shift,” they cry! As if revenue alone could birth a new world order. 🌍💸
Crypto exchange-traded products (ETPs) bled $952 million, with Ether (ETH) losing $555 million and Bitcoin (BTC) shedding $460 million. That’s more red ink than a schoolmarm’s grading pen! 📉 According to some highfalutin CoinShares report, the culprit is the Clarity Act, or as I like to call it, the “Maybe Next Year” Act, which has folks fretting over “regulatory uncertainty” and “whale selling.” 🐳💨
