qfx

Key highlights from this financial farce:

Grab your coffee (or eggnog, we don’t judge) because the latest US labor data is here, and it’s as confusing as a fruitcake recipe. Jobs, wages, unemployment-it’s all over the place, and traders are spinning like dreidels trying to figure out what it means for Bitcoin and the rest of the risk-asset circus. 🎢🤹‍♂️

The Core Team, those darlings of innovation, took center stage (oh, the drama!) with their Pi Hackathon 2025, a spectacle with a prize pool of 160,000 coins. The goal? To coax Pioneers into crafting real-world applications that might, just might, make the PI token useful. 🛠️✨

Behold, the CoinDesk 20, a grand spectacle of financial folly. Currently trading at 2734.85, up 1.7%-a modest ascent, but one that would make even a Victorian matron blush with pride. 🤓

By Shayan, the prophet of broken charts

Now, Visa has hit what one might call a major milestone in their stablecoin settlement pilot program-a spot of modernization for their settlement layer, underpinning global commerce, don’t you know. By leveraging the fully reserved, dollar-denominated USDC (yes, the very same one with a market cap of $78.28 billion and 0.0% volatility-steady as a rock, that one), issuers are in for a treat with faster fund movement over blockchains. 🚀

The goal? To shove tokenization so far into the commodities market that it’ll be like, “Oh, you trade gold? That’s cute. I trade tokenized gold.” 💰🤖 Laying the groundwork for next-gen trade infrastructure? Sure, Jan. But let’s be real, it’s all about who gets to say “I was there when commodities went digital.” 🥳

To the uninitiated, it appears as stagnant as a pond in winter. Yet Samson Mow, that eccentric prophet of crypto’s seven-figure symphonies, insists the calendar, not the candlesticks, holds the key. December 26, he whispers, is the date that will make your heart flutter like a moth near a flame. 🔥

So, the adorable chaos monkey, DOGE, has dropped 4.47% in the last 24 hours. Apparently, it’s having a little tantrum – who doesn’t love a good meme coin whine? 🐶💸

So what’s the deal? Apparently, our dear XRP has been swept up in a bearish wave that’s being driven by the Derivatives market. Yes, I know, derivatives sound terribly sophisticated, but let’s just say they’re not doing Ripple any favors right now.