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In response to a tweet that has, no doubt, sent the masses into a frenzy of retweets and replies, Gerovich posits that the proliferation of AI agents shall herald a grand migration of capital into the hallowed vaults of Bitcoin. “The gains,” he declares with the precision of a man who has counted his coins in the moonlight, “are flowing to the owners of compute and capital, leaving labor and governments to clutch at the shadows of their former glory.”

Surveys reveal a sizable minority of crypto holders have used crypto to buy goods or services at least once. But let’s be honest, they probably just bought a $5 gift card for their cousin’s birthday and called it “investing.”

But fear not! The panic began to wane as selling pressure cooled off like a hot dog left in the fridge. Loss bars shrank session by session, because even Bitcoin can’t keep up the pretense of chaos forever. As the market absorbed the distressed supply (because who wouldn’t take free Bitcoin from a sobbing whale?), the 7D-EMA crept back toward zero, whispering, “Maybe it’s time to stop crying over coins.”

But hold onto your hats, folks, because here’s where the plot thickens like a bowl of gumbo left on the stove too long.

USD liquidity is taking a vacation, leaving XRP to fend for itself in a world of volatile seas. Remember when deeper liquidity meant price could casually climb without breaking a sweat? Now it’s like trying to walk a tightrope with a toddler’s toy. Sensitivity? High. Fuel? Minimal. Volatility? Ready to throw a party.

Altcoins tumbled early Monday, Feb. 23, as the digital asset economy buckled under President Donald Trump’s latest threat to impose a 15% global tariff on goods entering the United States. The broad sell-off saw the total altcoin market capitalization slip below the $1 trillion mark for the second time in less than a week, while the wider crypto market cap retreated 3%. It’s like watching a toddler throw a tantrum, but with more spreadsheets and fewer hugs.

Pippin, that most charming of Solana’s offspring-a token born of an AI-generated unicorn-has once again captured the world’s attention, soaring 21% in 24 hours. At its zenith, it touched $0.7267, a sum that would make even the most jaded Wall Street magnate blush. Now, it trades at $0.7099, its 24-hour volume a mere $69 million, a drop in the ocean of crypto’s vast and unforgiving sea. Yet, it clings to the 65th spot in the kingdom of market caps, a position both enviable and precarious.

Yet, the pace of departure, while notable, paled in comparison to the grander exodus of yesteryear, suggesting a measured adjustment rather than a panic-induced stampede. A curious paradox, indeed.

Ripple, that modern-day alchemist, now commands the spotlight with a plan so audacious it could rival the ambitions of a tsarist courtier. By weaving alliances as if they were cobwebbed threads and securing regulatory nods with the grace of a peasant dodging a tax collector, the company now strides toward a digital banking dynasty. One can almost hear the clinking of XRP coins in the taverns of tomorrow.

Speaking to CNBC’s The Exchange, Lee dismissed the recent 50% Bitcoin plunge not as a funeral for crypto, but as a “crypto squall”-a squall being the kind of storm that makes sailors mutter curses but never abandon ship. He blamed it on macroeconomic hurricanes, not blockchain’s fundamental flaws, which, let’s be honest, are about as shaky as a house built on marshmallows.