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Poland’s leader, Nawrocki, declared on December 1st that the Crypto-Asset Market Act was a threat to civil liberties. The bill, a monstrous 100+ pages of regulation, threatened to turn Polish crypto sites into digital fortresses with minimal oversight. Critics snickered, calling it the “Regulation of the Year,” with fines up to 10 million zlotys and prison threats – basically, the criminalization of every smart contract you’ve ever dreamed of developing. 🕵️‍♂️🤬

On the 1-hour chart, FLOKI is moving sideways like a lost tourist in Times Square. After a steep intraday decline that dropped it into the $0.0000420-$0.0000430 zone, it’s now hesitating more than a first-time skydiver. Those candles? They’re as compressed as my budget after producing Blazing Saddles. Earlier, a sell-off candle erased gains faster than I erase bad reviews. Bulls? They’re still looking for their reclaim ticket. 🎢🐂

Kraken has graciously consented to take in Backed Finance AG, the distinguished issuer of xStocks, ostensibly to hasten the march of tokenized equities into the spotlight while simultaneously securing its dominion over this promising yet somewhat chaotic sector. 🎭

Scientists from the mysterious land of Anthropic found out that not only do these clever contraptions steal, but they also find shiny new weaknesses in blockchain contracts faster than you can say “Oops, there goes my money!”

In the thrilling rollercoaster that is 2025, Bitcoin (BTC) has been tossing and turning with extreme volatility, largely due to a mix of technical corrections and market sentiment – which, let’s face it, is about as stable as a house of cards on a windy day. As of December 1, 2025, the digital token found itself hovering at $90,400 after November’s dramatic dive. Traders, in their infinite wisdom, are currently reassessing their positions, having presumably recovered from prior gains… or perhaps just taking a moment to breathe.

Kalshi, which has previously prided itself on being the first federally regulated exchange offering event contracts in everything from politics to sports (yes, everything!), has now decided that the crypto-native crowd deserves a taste of its juicy, regulatory-approved prediction markets. As CNBC reports, this is Kalshi’s big leap into the crypto world, where the rules are, well, a bit more flexible…

This week began with the somber dirges of doom, as the price dipped below $84,000. The Bank of Japan, those hawkish harbingers of gloom, and China, with its sudden anti-crypto tantrum, conspired to cast a shadow over the land. Commodity trader Peter Brandt, ever the Cassandra, prophesied a plunge to $40,000, while analyst Chris Burniske nodded gravely, as if reading the last rites. 😱

SB 21, a legislative masterpiece, has transformed Texas from a mere crypto mining backwater into a self-proclaimed digital asset mogul. The bill, with its $10-million slush fund, allows the state comptroller to dabble in Bitcoin, a decision that is either visionary or utterly preposterous, depending on whom you ask. 🤠

ABTC, which debuted on the Nasdaq in early September following a reverse merger with Gryphon Digital Mining, lost more than half its value in early trading. The stock reached an intraday low of $1.75, representing a 51% decline on the day, according to data from Yahoo Finance. 📉

The question lingers in the air, thick as a Moscow fog: was the “privacy tokens” craze but a fleeting mirage, a bubble destined to pop with a comical plink? Or does ZEC still harbor secrets worth more than a ruble in a beggar’s hat? 🧐