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On the cusp of autumn, precisely on Sept. 2, Coinbase disclosed its latest enigma-a spellbinding creation known as the Mag7 + Crypto Equity Index Futures, set to debut on Sept. 22. These inaugural U.S.-listed contracts are a curious blend of traditional equities and cryptocurrency exchange-traded funds (ETFs), tailored to sate the insatiable appetite of institutional investors for more robust market instruments. Coinbase, with a flourish, declared:

The confluence of a swelling open interest, a robust market foundation, and classic chart patterns has set the stage for what could be a prolonged and glorious rally. 🌟

In a press release that was probably written while sipping overpriced coffee-because that’s how all fintech companies roll-on Sept. 2, they announced that TransAct aims to make distributed ledger technology (that’s DLT for the cool kids) accessible to enterprises and government clients. It’s like bringing a fancy restaurant experience to your boring cafeteria but with a side of automated invoicing in good ol’ US dollars. 💵

Behold, the S&P 500, that stalwart barometer of American financial health, stumbled out of the gates with a 1.48% plunge, landing at 6,364 points. Meanwhile, Bitcoin, ever the maverick, gleefully bounded forward with a 1.58% gain, reaching the lofty heights of $110,987 per coin. Such irony! As the stock market wept, crypto laughed. 😂

Picture this: a hacker, armed not with brute force but with mathematical precision, exploited Bunni’s custom LDF system. This mechanism, designed to shower liquidity providers with returns, was tricked into miscalculating ownership stakes. Victor Tran, co-founder of KyberNetwork, spilled the beans on social media: the attacker executed trades with amounts so specific they could make a mathematician blush. 😳 Repeating this process like a magician pulling endless rabbits from a hat, the hacker siphoned off tokens worth $2.4 million from Ethereum and $6 million from Unichain. And just like that, poof! The funds vanished into Ethereum via the Across Protocol. 🪄💰

Now, they think this pilot phase will somehow balloon to over $200 million. I mean, could they be any more optimistic? It’s like expecting a potted plant to grow into a giant sequoia overnight! 🌳

Yet hark! The oracle Ali Martinez proclaims: *”Break $0.88, and lo! The path to $1.20 shall open like a magician’s trick box!”* 🎩🐇 A bold claim, though one suspects the magician’s assistant might vanish mid-act.

Seyffart’s X post reveals a carnival of crypto chaos: Hashdex, Franklin Templeton, and Bitwise all jostling for space with their baskets of BTC and ETH. Grayscale’s GDLC conversion sits there like a sleeping bear, waiting to stir. It’s a feast for the SEC, who now have more paperwork than a riverboat gambler’s ledger. 📄

Take Ethereum (ETH), for example. The second-largest cryptocurrency on the block-basically the Robin to Bitcoin’s Batman-is currently nursing a modest 0.18% loss over the last 24 hours. A hero’s journey, no doubt, complete with drama: it started strong at $4,417, took a nosedive during the Asian session, then staged a mini comeback to trade at $4,376.25. And let’s not forget its trading volume hitting $37.52 billion while boasting a market cap of $524.85 billion. Honestly, it sounds exhausting just typing that out. 😅

Oh, great. Another blockchain company jumping into the stock market like it’s a Splash Mountain ride. Led by Mike Cagney-ex-SoFi big shot, or should I say, “former”?-who’s probably just in it for the money, right? Because nothing says “trustworthy” like blockchain and a shiny new IPO! $526 million? For what, more digital magic? And a … Read more