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Only days into its existence, Aave Labs’ shining beacon of institutional lending, Horizon, found itself basking in the warmth of $50 million in deposits. Borrowing activity, leaning towards the more reserved with a count of $6.2 million, is a testament to the burgeoning allure for tokenized treasures and the intricacies of on-chain credit spires. RLUSD ($26.1M) and USDC ($8M) emerged as the financial titans of this new era, with USDC near-monopolizing the borrowing realm at $6.19 million, as decreed by the live market oracle. Yet, lesser-known entities like GHO, the tokenized chandeliers of U.S Treasuries, and the peculiar kingdoms of collateralized loan obligations, watch from the wings, waiting for their audience.

Once-sturdy government bonds? Kiyosaki claims they’re now as reliable as a chocolate teapot. British debt melted by a third, Europe’s dropped a quarter, and Uncle Sam’s IOUs shed over 10% since 2020. This isn’t a blip, folks-it’s the financial world’s knickers catching fire 🔥.

The post spread like a rumor in a monastery, attracting replies that ranged from the merely acidic to the nuclear. The Litecoin account, ever the imp, leaned into the chaos: “I roast Solana: We laughed. I roast XRP: Legal threats! Diarrhea! Drama! Truly, the circle of life.” A subsequent plea-“Go eat a hot pocket and let’s reconvene post-nap”-only deepened the farce. 🌮🌀

Enter BtcTurk, Turkey’s leading exchange, which unfortunately found itself in the spotlight for all the wrong reasons. A cool $54 million vanished into thin air-marking its second such incident this year after losing an identical amount in June 2024. One might wonder if they’re auditioning for a tragicomic opera titled *The Exchange That Cried Wolf*. CEO Özgür Güneri confirmed unauthorized access, froze affected wallets, and vowed cooperation with authorities. But let’s be honest, at this rate, they might as well rename themselves “BtcTarget.” 🎯

Résumé des méfaits

XRP decided to join the “let’s fall together” party, hanging out below $3.00 alongside Bitcoin and Ethereum. It slithered past $2.95 and $2.92, entering full-on bear mode.

Then there was Bitcoin, that erratic suit clad in bits and bytes. It courted a modest 4% decline last week, leaving its fans awry, reminiscent of the perplexing serenade of a Schumann lied, ascending to the notes above $120,000, only to humbly descend back to the more earthly $100,000. 🎵

Total crypto market capitalization is up 9.9% year to date, adding more than $600 billion after weakness in the first quarter gave way to a second-quarter rebound and new highs into the third. The Binance Research report, shared with TopMob, attributes the advance to a mix of policy clarity, growing institutional access, and stronger onchain activity across major sectors. After all, who doesn’t love a bit of clarity and growth in their investment portfolio? 📈

Qui l’eût cru ? Solana s’appuie bravement contre cette muraille des 220, arborant un signe des plus prometteurs : le SMA-50 vient croiser son aîné SMA-200 dans une danse d’or propre à séduire nos espoirs les plus fous. Voilà le présage d’un changement, mesdames et messieurs, dans la lutte éternelle entre taureaux et ours – un vrai feu d’artifice dans un ciel de hausses ! Pendant que l’intrépide coursier gravite la pente ascendante, les acheteurs jouent au défenseur intraitable de leurs creux plus élevés. La cible n’en finit plus de se rapprocher; cette croix d’or est sans doute le talisman qui promet la victoire.

“The Fortune 500, nation-states, the biggest families and corporations-they’re all in! Everyone’s buying Bitcoin! So, mark my words-Bitcoin will hit $1 million, no doubt about it,” said Eric, presumably with a knowing wink. Of course, why wouldn’t they? Bitcoin’s practically on sale for anyone with a pulse and a portfolio! 😏