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So, Btc Turk, in a classic display of bravado, insists that all is well-“precautionary measures,” they call it-while their wallets chill in the cold. Yes, dear reader, the cold wallets, sleeping peacefully while the hot wallets try to fake out the burglars. Meanwhile, they assure everyone via their usual “trust us” message on X that their fortress is impregnable. How comforting! 🏰

Folks in the crypto crowd blinked, wondering if Bessent’s speech was a kind of political slapstick, or just him being him-baffling, unpredictable, and famous for walking the line like a tightrope walker with no safety net. Someone even quipped, “You’re all over the place dude,” which perfectly sums up the mood-cryptocurrency fans spinning faster than a roulette wheel at the county fair. 🎡

So, who exactly threw money at Mesh this time? Well, let’s start with the obvious: Paypal Ventures. Oh, and don’t forget about Coinbase Ventures, Uphold, Mirana Ventures, SBI Investment, Overlook Ventures, Kingsway Capital, Moderne Ventures, and CE-Ventures. It’s like the Avengers, but for crypto payment platforms. Mesh’s technology is behind Paypal’s “Pay with Crypto” service, so it seems like things are moving fast in this space, right?

The Skale (SKL) token, once a mere mortal in the crypto realm, has now transformed into a celestial being, surging by 170% and becoming one of the best-performing coins this week. The surge was accompanied by a high-volume environment, with its 24-hour trading volume skyrocketing to $780 million, surpassing its modest market capitalization of $280 million. Oh, what a spectacle!

This burst of euphoria follows the debut of the REX-Osprey Solana + Staking ETF (SSK), a concoction of SOL exposure and staking rewards, which managed to rake in over $20 million in its inaugural day. Analysts, those soothsayers of the markets, chirp that this success has fortified the case for a pure spot Solana ETF, as if investor demand were a divine right rather than a fickle whim. 🌟

Binance Coin (BNB) decided to throw a little party and hit $865 today, smashing its previous all-time high like it was a piñata. 🎉 Remember when it was chilling in the $550-$600 range earlier this year? Cute. Now it’s up 13% in just a week, strutting toward $1,000 like it owns the place.

At precisely 8:30 am, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) unveiled its latest inflation data, sending shockwaves through the financial realm. The Producer Price Index (PPI), a rather important metric for those who care about such things, leaped an astounding 0.9%, from 2.4% in June to 3.3% in July. This was far beyond the modest 0.1-0.2% rise that the so-called experts had predicted. Bitcoin, our beloved digital currency, couldn’t help but join the fray, plummeting to $117K after reaching a peak of $122K just the day before. 📉

Analyst Miles Deutscher, who may or may not sleep in a bed made of Chainlink tokens, says the rally is thanks to a beautiful cluster of market drama.

after cheerfully ignoring the “Do Not Feed the Bulls” sign, galloped up to $124,500, smashing the universal previous record (much to the horror of surrounding plate glass windows). Celebratory memes were minted, victory tweets flecked with fireworks were dispatched, and somewhere a small but vocal subreddit held hands and attempted the Macarena.

Armstrong claims this shift will be gradual, like watching paint dry but with more spreadsheets. Big companies will lead the charge, using blockchain to raise capital, while smaller businesses will eventually follow, kicking and screaming, because FOMO is a hell of a drug. 🚀💼