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Atomic’s old infrastructure-which somehow managed to juggle $140 million in volume and $25 million in BTC TVL without a single hack (take that, Ankh-Morpork’s thieves’ guild!)-is now pivoting to serve the fancy-pants institutional crowd. 🏦 Lygos promises to deliver bitcoin-native credit products that keep collateral on Bitcoin L1 and issue stablecoins on Ethereum, because why use bridges when you can build a magical portal instead? 🌉✨

Here’s your crypto rollercoaster! 🎢 (Spoiler: You’re not gonna like the loop-de-loop.)

Hoskinson, with the confidence of a man who’s never seen a hamster wheel he couldn’t monetize, declared BTC might hit $250,000 this cycle and $10 trillion in market cap by 2029. He attributed this to “new US stablecoin rules,” which is crypto for “maybe regulators will stop panicking like startled chickens.” 🐔

What’s driving this madness? A cocktail of stronger-than-expected US GDP numbers and some good ol’ Fed-induced nail-biting. The traders, bless their optimistic hearts, are clinging to hope like someone clutching a lottery ticket. And amidst the chaos, two cryptos-Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER) and Best Wallet Token ($BEST)-have emerged as the new darlings of the presale scene, raking in over $10 million each. Who needs sleep when you’ve got moonshots to chase? 🚀

Robinhood’s crypto menu, once as dull as a Sunday sermon, now gleams with shiny new tokens-Sui, Ondo, and even that meme coin, Peanut the Squirrel. Seems the U.S. government’s regulatory stance has gone from “hang ‘em high” to “help yourself, dear sir.” HOOD stock danced a jig in pre-market hours, but the crowd on Stocktwits? Still grumbling like a bear with a toothache.

In this week’s surprising tale, Cryptoville hailed its unexpected protagonist, Cronos (CRO). The token purveying the famed Crypto.com witnessed its fortunes swell by over 100% in a mere trio of days. At its height, it reached nearly $0.40-a zenith last graced in the spring of 2022-but now reclines at a modest $0.29.

🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 🚨 2,000 #BTC (222,234,876 USD) transferred from unknown wallet to unknown wallet

But let’s not get too excited just yet. The road to $150,000 is paved with supply scarcity and a bunch of institutional players who are holding onto their coins like they’re the last chocolate chip cookies in the apocalypse. This, my friends, means there’s always a risk of a sudden, sharp correction-like when you accidentally spill coffee on your laptop and all your crypto dreams go up in smoke.

Cardano [ADA] bulls, those tireless laborers in the crypto fields, have been fervently clutching the short-term support level at $0.846. Indeed, the altcoin has surged by a staggering 51% since 8 July when it languished at $0.572. Meanwhile, the crypto market sentiment resembles a Dostoevsky novel-mixed, chaotic, and volatile. Ah, the beauty of unpredictability! 🎭

Addressing a New York federal judge on Wednesday, Unicoin declared the SEC’s lawsuit should be tossed out faster than stale bread. Why? Because, according to Unicoin, the SEC “plucks snippets of communications and distorts their meaning and context; treats routine financial projection and optimism as fraud; and ignores Unicoin’s sober warnings about risk.” 🍞🎭