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Let us marvel at the Washington site’s transformation: a former 18-megawatt cryptomining vault, now to be “upgraded” with liquid-cooled GPUs. By December 2026, it will stand as a monument to humanity’s unyielding quest to be ruled by machines. The announcement, made on Nov. 13-a date suspiciously close to the Ides of March-hints at a betrayal of capitalist proportions. 🚨

If Bitcoin’s the grumpy grandpa of crypto, then HBAR’s the kid taggin’ along, trippin’ over every crack in BTC’s crumbling sidewalk. 🧸

Now, don’t get too excited just yet – this doesn’t mean the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has given it a thumbs up 👍. But, it’s a significant milestone, and market watchers are taking it as a positive sign 🌟.

$XRP update:

Thought I was hot stuff for 5 minutes? Broke up with the bull run and moved to Bali. 🏝️Sold my bags because meh, giant tentacle crypto is already winning. Turning my accounts into a ghost town until something dares to break $10M.

This kerfuffle heralds a new age for Ripple’s court, where beggars and kings might dine in the same crypto tavern. After years of regulators batting you about like a rogue toad in a sock, they now nod with the solemnity of a jester crowned emperor. Institutional nodwits now gawk at you as a “legit digital commodity.” Puh-lease! Next, the moon will invest in Ethereum! 🪙🌕

Acting FDIC Chair Travis Hill, a man who has waxed poetic about tokenization with the fervor of a true believer, proclaimed at the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia’s Fintech Conference (a gathering of modern-day alchemists) that the regulator shall one day bestow upon us guidance for this newfangled tokenized deposit insurance. “A deposit is a deposit,” he declared, as if revealing a profound truth, “whether it dwells in the dusty halls of traditional finance or dances upon the blockchain’s glittering stage.” 🕺✨

“We’re financially sound,” said Arjun Sethi, co-CEO of Kraken, in his best ‘we’ve got this’ tone during a chat with Yahoo Finance last Thursday. “We know how to handle our own risk management. We don’t need to leap into the public abyss.”

According to Pal, the first major change will come from the Treasury General Account (TGA). With the government back in action, TGA spending will resume, steadily injecting liquidity into the markets like a bartender pouring drinks at happy hour. He expects this inflow to continue for several months, providing a much-needed financial hug to the economy.

By 5:00 am, Greenwich mean time, or whenever folks start makin’ coffee, Japan’s Nikkei was down a good 1.73%, sittin’ at 50,392. South Korea? They weren’t farin’ much better, KOSPI droppin’ 3% to 4,045.44. Hong Kong’s Hang Seng took a sip of trouble too, down 1.13% at 26,767. Even Australia’s S&P/ASX, usually a sturdy one, lost 1.44%, endin’ up at 8,627.5. Seems nobody wanted to play today. 😔

On November 13, Kalshi made it official: Coinbase Custody is now the keeper of their USDC reserves. The company says this move will bolster traders’ confidence by ensuring the safety and stability of the funds backing each market. And by “stability,” they mean cold storage, segregated accounts, and those oh-so-precious compliance standards used by the big boys of finance. Talk about playing it safe… 🛡️