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Behold, the specter of December 2021 rises again, its ghostly fingers tracing fractal patterns upon the charts. 🧙♂️✨ On that fateful Christmas Eve, Bitcoin stood at $51,700, only to plunge to $34,000 by the new year-a 34% descent into the abyss. Now, some so-called “expert” (likely a man with a monocle and a penchant for doom) applies this fractal model to our present woes, foretelling a march to $70,000. Oh, the audacity! 🤡📉

My dears, Ethena Labs announced on Wednesday (how midweek of them!) that it has embraced Anchorage Digital Bank as the custodian for the assets backing its synthetic dollar token, USDe. With the inclusion of America’s first federally chartered crypto bank, Ethena aims to elevate the safety of its protocol. How utterly daring! 🚀

As I understand it, the president has confirmed that KGST is fully backed by the som and built on the BNB Chain. What’s particularly interesting about this listing is that it’s unusual to see a stablecoin directly tied to a national currency – rather than a private entity – being offered on a major global exchange.

In the spirit of saving you from financial eggnog-induced headaches, BeInCrypto has donned its detective hat (not to be confused with SANTA HAT, mind you) to uncover three Christmas crypto tokens that should be avoided like a fruitcake at a dinner party. 🍰🚫

Les chiffres du CME, ces comptoirs de la finance, montrent un pic des options d’achat, telles des cloches annonçant la fin du bal de décembre 2024, lorsque le prix flirtait avec le fleuron de 90 000 dollars. Depuis, ce désir d’acheter s’est étiolé plus vite qu’un feu de joie après la fête, redescendant vers la profondeur des abysses. La sagesse populaire (ou le nôtre, plutôt) affirme que quand l’intérêt pour ces options d’achat chute, le marché se parjure en signant sa propre défaite. 🔽

From $2.74 billion to $2.89 billion, this token’s ascent is as dramatic as a Shakespearean tragedy. The “first promotion” aims to “maximize rewards,” but let’s be honest-this is just a fancy way of saying, “Invest more, earn more, and forget about your life.” 🧠

Because apparently, someone decided blockchain accounting needed a little more drama. 🎭

The $BTC price, like a drunkard teetering between two lamp posts, now approaches the convergence of a downtrend born of hubris ($126,000, that cursed peak) and an ascending trendline, a feeble hope from October 2023. One must yield, and soon, lest the weekend’s curtain call become a farcical tragedy. Yet the price, ever the jester, slips once more beneath the trendline-a jest or omen? Perhaps both, for markets thrive on irony.

Locals awoke to find the sites as accessible as a closed bakery on a Sunday morning. CryptoMoon, ever the intrepid sleuth, confirmed the outage wasn’t a glitch but a statement. The National Telecommunications Commission, armed with a list of 50 “unauthorized” platforms from the central bank, directed ISPs to play bouncer. A full list? Naturally, it remains a mystery novel with an unwritten finale. 🕵️‍♂️

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