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Reports fluttered ostentatiously across X (that’s “formerly Twitter” for those still inhabiting the pre-Musk epoch) and a motley collection of crypto-centric watering holes. The general tenor: Kiyosaki had, in yet another moment of capitalist prophecy, declared 1,000 XRP sufficient to achieve dynastic glory. For those lured by the siren song of riches-without-effort, this was as intoxicating as cheap rosé at a country fête. 🙄

On a Tuesday that felt more like a Friday, the SEC decided to boost the number of allowed options contracts from a paltry 25,000 to a whopping 250,000. Greg Cipolaro, NYDIG’s global head of research, chimed in like a town crier, “This ain’t just a change, it’s a landslide!” He reckons IBIT’s already monstrous lead will stretch wider, while Fidelity’s FBTC gets left chewing the dust. 😏

According to crypto oracle MasterAnanda, Bitcoin’s support isn’t totally weak—nope, it’s pretty much sitting in a cozy support pillow at above $110,000. The current declines? A mere 8% retreat from its $123,000 record high in July. Just a quick breather before the next moon landing, right? Nope, just market stuff—“part of the normal workings,” says our wise analyst. They’re telling us to chillax because corrections like this are basically the crypto version of ‘catch your breath before smashing higher again’.

Since mid-2023, Bitcoin’s ascent has been nothing short of a Tolstoy novel—epic, dramatic, and utterly captivating. The cryptocurrency has soared over 300%, leaving traditional investments in the dust like a troika at full gallop. The S&P 500, despite its record highs, managed a mere 38% gain—a respectable showing, but hardly worthy of a Pushkin ode. Gold, driven by inflation fears and geopolitical theatrics, mustered nearly 70%, while Ethereum trailed with a 56% rise. Oil, poor Oil, barely stirred from its slumber. 🛢️

Behold the timeline of tragedy: On April 30, 2024, our protagonist made an ERC-20 approval transaction 📝, granting scammers full reign over his wallet—a gift he didn’t even realize he’d given. Yet nothing happened immediately; no alarms rang, no red flags waved. Life went on as usual, blissfully unaware that the clock was ticking toward disaster.

This, of course, comes at a moment when the on-chain economy is all the rage, darling, from the marble halls of institutional finance to the smoke-filled backrooms of political intrigue. How très chic.

According to the ever-optimistic NYDIG Research, this decision may coax the wild horse of BTC into something more akin to a gentle trot. And what, pray tell, are these magical strategies they speak of? Covered call selling. Fancy term for: “I’ll sell you my upside because I’d rather collect rent than chase moonshots.” 🏠💰

My dear, the ever-so-charming pro-crypto lawyer and Ripple enthusiast, John Deaton, has graced us with his insights. According to this darling of the legal world, Circle (the mastermind behind USDC), Ripple (with its nouveau stablecoin, RLUSD), and Ethereum (the grand dame of blockchains) are the belles of the GENIUS Act ball. Circle, you see, issues the oh-so-popular USDC. Ripple, never one to be outdone, has just unveiled its RLUSD. And Ethereum? Well, it’s the hostess with the mostest, hosting stablecoins like USDC and RLUSD with effortless elegance. 🌟

By ShayanMarkets, the oracle of the crypto realm.

Bitcoin decided to moonwalk its way to a sizzling $122,838 🚀, which definitely didn’t hurt. Sure, it corrected 8% afterward—*only* 8%! Miners raked in $57,400 daily per EH/s, because why not? Publicly traded mining firms even flexed harder than Bitcoin’s price chart 💸.