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Oh, look, crypto’s finally infecting Wall Street like a stubborn cold. But forget Bitcoin or Ethereum hogging the spotlight—no, this time it’s BNB getting the billion-dollar cuddles from Nasdaq firms. How original. 🙄

On the daily chart, there lies the most massive green candle the likes of which we have not seen in five days. Could it be a sign of bullish momentum, or merely the universe playing tricks on our naïve hearts?

Enter CryptoQuant, declaring Bitcoin’s 3-month realized volatility has slumped to a mere 70%, a rarity that whispers of unnatural serenity. This figure skulks near the all-time lows, just above the 62% it hit on September 23, 2023, when BTC was loafing around $26,000. Such stifling calm often heralds chaotic upheavals, turning the upcoming days into a tense standoff that could redefine Bitcoin’s fleeting fate. Boom or bust? The suspense is killer! 💥

This strange yet thrilling ride saw the Lista Dao (LISTA) hit $0.3628—an impressive leap, more than 222% from its most wretched depths this year. Market capitalization? A snazzy $74 million and counting, with the fully diluted valuation playing coy at $334 million.

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MARA looked at the price of Bitcoin, the way a raccoon eyes discarded pizza: with enthusiasm, a bit of hunger, and total disregard for calories. They’ve effectively announced, “We believe in Bitcoin so much, here’s nearly a billion dollars—let’s get mining, boys!” The next logical step? Buy more machines, suck more electricity, and maybe, just maybe, horde Bitcoin like some eccentric dragon (but with fewer fair maidens and more spreadsheets).

BNB briefly surpassed $860 today, reaching a new all-time high and currently trading at $846.71. According to 8marketcap, BNB’s market cap has risen to $119.3 billion, marking a 24-hour increase of 6.48% and a 7-day gain of 12.74%. It has climbed 13 positions in global asset…

This ballet of capital unfolded as crypto funds swelled with $19 billion—a July total that makes even the most stoic analyst blush. The U.S., ever the showoff, led with $2.03 billion, while Canada and Hong Kong wept into their tea (-$84.3M and -$160M respectively). Europe, too, chimed in, proving that even continent-sized institutions can’t resist a good altcoin fling. 💼💃

Meanwhile, Cardano’s whales are acting like they just discovered the fountain of youth. The top 100 Cardano wallets? Oh, they’re gobbling up ADA like it’s Thanksgiving dinner. Why? Are they in on something we don’t know? Is there some kind of secret whale society handshake happening behind the scenes? 🤔

Clearly, the community’s reaction was pure crypto drama: equal parts outrage and GIFs. Memecoins, as anyone with a Twitter addiction knows, are propping up Solana in the way coffee props up Millennials. And yet, here comes squad leader Yakovenko, wagging his finger—despite Solana being the happiest meme slush pile this side of Doge. One developer summed up the vibes, “You don’t get to profit off this wave and insult it at the same time.” It’s like serving nothing but Hot Pockets at your wedding, then insisting you’re a Michelin-starred chef. 🥟