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As behemoths like MicroStrategy and Semler Scientific hoover up liquidity as if it were confetti at a wedding, we find ourselves amidst a secondary supply shock. This isn’t just about scarcity; it’s a desperate cry for yields on assets that have been hibernating like bears in winter. Enter Capital B (The Blockchain Group), proudly announcing its latest acquisition of 5 BTC for the princely sum of €0.32M, swelling its coffers to a staggering 2,828 BTC while managing a yield of-wait for it-0.1%. Truly, they must be popping the champagne!

The amount of Ethereum held on cryptocurrency exchanges has dropped to its lowest point since mid-2016. Data from CryptoQuant shows that exchanges now hold around 16 million ETH, which is the same amount they held during Ethereum’s first year of trading.

The pullback, you ask? A mere spike in trading activity, as traders, those fickle creatures, lock in profits like squirrels hoarding acorns. Yet, despite this retreat, the token’s broader move still reeks of heightened interest-a fleeting romance in a world of digital chaos. With no fundamental calamities to speak of, this price drop is but a tango of market dynamics, a game of positioning rather than a shift in long-term sentiment. How quaint.

Tether, in what can only be described as an existential pivot, seeks to rewrite the very essence of its operational ethos. This titan of stablecoins, renowned for managing a staggering $118B market cap with a team smaller than a typical village’s ensemble of bakers, is finally embracing the notion of growth.

Well, butter my biscuit, if it ain’t South Korea tightening the screws on crypto exchanges faster than a hound dog on a rabbit trail. All thanks to Bithumb’s little oopsie-daisy, where they handed out 620,000 Bitcoins like party favors. Lucky for them, they clawed back 99.7% of it-but the damage? Done. Regulators are now peering over shoulders like a mother-in-law at a family dinner.

In an episode that could be mistaken for a fever dream of modern jurisprudence, Turkish authorities seized a staggering half a billion dollars in cryptocurrency. The move was aided by Tether, which set its sight on Şeref Yazıcı, the man who wears Darkex like a mask in a masquerade of finance.

Robert Kiyosaki, the author of the popular volume Rich Dad Poor Dad, took to the public square of X on February 7, replying to doubts about his Bitcoin purchases. The quarrel seems less about arithmetic than the temper of the man-the insistence that time is a servant to price, and that his history of buying during market surges tells a more honest tale than any single date could.

Crafted with all the finesse of a blunt hammer by FT columnist Jemima Kelly, the article is aptly titled “Bitcoin is still about $70,000 too high,” a refrain that echoes through the halls of financial despair. The pièce de résistance? A theatrical comparison to a hapless protagonist from the French film La Haine, who, while hurtling from a skyscraper, finds solace in the mantra, “so far, so good,” blissfully unaware of the imminent splat. One can almost hear the collective gasp of Bitcoin enthusiasts-what a jolly metaphorical leap!

According to Bloomberg, this little transaction is one of the priciest residential deals in the city over the past year. And get this-he snagged it for £2 million below the asking price. Must be nice to haggle over millions like it’s a yard sale. The deal closed just before the UK’s autumn budget, which, let’s be honest, probably had more holes than a Swiss cheese.

“The De-Gross Diet-eat nothing, lose everything!”