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Amidst the cacophony of Bitcoin miners pivoting to AI, Soluna has emerged like a moth drawn to a halogen bulb. 🔍 The argument? A microcap with a pipeline that could power a small nation (> 1 GW), building green data centers, and a $100 million credit facility for Project Kati – their renewable-powered magnum opus. But let us not indulge in speculative theatrics just yet. 🎭

A certain Bitcoin developer, who goes by the cryptic moniker “callebtc” (presumably because “Bob” was already taken), announced on Sunday with the glee of a man who’s just discovered free Wi-Fi: “Bitchat downloads spiking in Madagascar.” Accompanying this proclamation were screenshots of protest coverage, presumably to assure skeptics that this wasn’t just a case of mass thumb-slips on the App Store.

The soothsayers at CertiK, those vigilant guardians of the blockchain realm, did proclaim: “Lo, the attacker hath danced a merry jig, exploiting an arbitrary call in Hyperdrive’s router, and thus did drain the pools of their precious USDT0 and thBILL tokens!” A heist most audacious, executed with the finesse of a circus acrobat. 🤡

At the time of writing, the Hypurr NFTs have a current floor price of around 1,458 Hyperliquid (HYPE), or $68,700, according to OpenSea data. The market, ever polite and terribly loud at the same time, seems to be listening for the next disagreement between optimism and arithmetic. 🧾💸

Web3 infrastructure company Jump Crypto has proposed removing Solana’s fixed compute block limit to strengthen network performance and incentivize validators with suboptimal hardware to upgrade. 🚀

If we take a look at the daily chart, it’s the same old sad song: lower highs, lower lows. So, yeah, not a great look. Buyers tried to defend the $21.00 mark like it was the last slice of pizza, but each time, they were swiftly met with the cold slap of selling pressure. If Chainlink closes below $20.50, it’s probably heading toward $20.00-pretty much a free fall, right? But hey, if the $20.50-$20.70 range holds strong, maybe-just maybe-a rebound toward $21.40 could happen, like an optimistic comeback tour.

Crypto.com just got a gold star from the CFTC and NFA for its derivatives business. Who knew crypto needed a participation trophy to play in the U.S. market? 🏆 Now they’re “officially” offering margined derivatives, futures clearing, and whatever “compliance-driven trading” means. Spoiler: It probably still involves people losing money on Dogecoin. 🐕💸

Short-term price action? More like short-term disaster. WIF was at $0.712 earlier-because why not keep the misery going? Since the 22nd, it’s been a sell-off fiesta, and every rebound is shallower than my patience for small talk. Candlestick patterns? They’re screaming, “We’re doomed!” Sellers are rejecting upward moves like I reject bad sitcom pitches. 📉

The modest 25 basis point US Fed rate cut on Sept 18 did not soothe the nerves but unfastened them, triggering a seven-day sell-off that pressed BTC below 110,000 on Friday, Sept 25-the first such breach in 20 days. Since then, Bitcoin has struggled to reclaim the 110k threshold, while a 33% collapse in trading volumes on Sunday signaled feebleness of conviction for the week to come. 💨

Telegram initially yanked posts that were so obviously against the rules, even my cat could spot them. But when France and Moldova started sending lists of channels that were “problematic” only because they disagreed with the content, Durov threw up his hands and said, “Sorry, folks, but I don’t censor based on political preferences. Not even for a free croissant.” 🥐