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This week began with the somber dirges of doom, as the price dipped below $84,000. The Bank of Japan, those hawkish harbingers of gloom, and China, with its sudden anti-crypto tantrum, conspired to cast a shadow over the land. Commodity trader Peter Brandt, ever the Cassandra, prophesied a plunge to $40,000, while analyst Chris Burniske nodded gravely, as if reading the last rites. 😱

SB 21, a legislative masterpiece, has transformed Texas from a mere crypto mining backwater into a self-proclaimed digital asset mogul. The bill, with its $10-million slush fund, allows the state comptroller to dabble in Bitcoin, a decision that is either visionary or utterly preposterous, depending on whom you ask. 🤠

ABTC, which debuted on the Nasdaq in early September following a reverse merger with Gryphon Digital Mining, lost more than half its value in early trading. The stock reached an intraday low of $1.75, representing a 51% decline on the day, according to data from Yahoo Finance. 📉

The question lingers in the air, thick as a Moscow fog: was the “privacy tokens” craze but a fleeting mirage, a bubble destined to pop with a comical plink? Or does ZEC still harbor secrets worth more than a ruble in a beggar’s hat? 🧐

Over the past 24 hours, critics like Jason Calacanis, host of the “All In” podcast, have been telling everyone to dump MSTR and buy Bitcoin directly because, and I quote, “Told y’all this would happen.” Strategy? “A stunning pyramid,” he says. Because what’s a tech stock without a little pyramid scheming? 🏰

Bank of America, one of the U.S.’s largest financial institutions, has become the latest Wall Street giant to warm up to bitcoin 🐍. A marvel of modern finance, isn’t it? 🤯

So, the real drama wasn’t about crypto-it was about who gets to be the puppet master: the state, the market, or Brussels. Because, you know, why solve actual problems when you can argue about power? 🤷♂️

At press time, Bitcoin’s chilling at $86,900-a 21% discount from its peak. Some experts call this a bear market warm-up. Others say it’s just Bitcoin “taking a nap,” which is either adorable or terrifying, depending on your portfolio. 😴

Behold, Vanguard has pivoted from its fortress-like resistance to crypto, now allowing clients to trade ETFs and mutual funds on its hallowed brokerage platform. Bloomberg, the scribe of modern finance, reports this as a “landmark shift.” Let’s call it what it is: a truce between tradition and the digital wild west. 🤝