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DOGE is up 12% today? Wow, someone must’ve finally realized this coin is basically just a Shiba Inu with a savings account. 🐕💸

Last Friday on the magical land of X (formerly Twitter, formerly Something Else), Ali Martinez waved his chart wand and declared Dogecoin is cozying up in the Buy Zone yet again. Apparently, Doge likes to bounce around a rising support band like a hyperactive kangaroo, then explode into parabolic rallies that leave investors slack-jawed. This circus has happened thrice: the roaring drama of 2017, the sequel in 2021, and the latest Netflix reboot in 2023-2024.

According to the eggheads at Coinmarketcap, Bitcoin’s dominance has plummeted to a mere 56.6%, while Ethereum, that plucky upstart, has climbed to 13.9%. The rest, a whopping 29.5%, is now in the hands of those scallywag altcoins. It’s a regular rotation of riches, and it’s got traders and analysts in a right old tizzy. 🌀📈

Missed out on the raucous circus? Fret not, dear reader! We’ve neatly packaged the highlights you must not overlook.

Once upon a time, Bitcoin treasuries basked in the glow of investor adoration, their market value soaring above the mere worth of their BTC holdings. Why? Because the masses believed-nay, *worshipped*-their ability to grow, to monetize chaos, to be the safe harbor in the storm of cryptocurrency. Their market net asset value (mNAV), a sacred number always greater than 1, was the testament to their divine right to rule. But alas, CryptoQuant’s Julio Moreno, a modern-day Cassandra, warns that annualized Bitcoin volatility has plummeted to multi-year lows. The party’s over, comrades. 🎈✨

Last Friday, Solana flirted with $241.84, peeling away from its sluggish slumber between $120 and $220 like a bear waking from winter’s nap. Our crypto protagonist tiptoed past many a barrier, “quiet as a church mouse,” as one analyst put it, ascending 20% since Sunday without much applause.

In a tête-à-tête with Kyle Chasse, a seasoned Bitcoin and Web3 entrepreneur, Hayes counseled investors to remain steadfast in their devotion to Bitcoin, even as stocks and gold bask in their fleeting glory. He expounded on the current state of Bitcoin, the broader crypto market, and the capricious world of finance.

The question, then, is not whether AI will replace us. The question is: what kind of systems are we building, and do they allow us to thrive within them? Or are we merely constructing our own gilded cages? 🏰

According to Reuters, the loan document dated May 28, 2021, reveals Cook’s confession to her credit union: the Atlanta property, a sanctuary of leisure, was never meant to be her primary abode. She listed two other homes as her true domains, a move that shatters Trump’s allegations like a glass slipper at midnight. Cinderella, it seems, has fled the ball. 👑💔

Martinez, bless his heart, took to X (formerly known as Twitter, for you old-timers) to share his findings. Seems Solana’s been dancing the “cup and handle” jig for years now-a U-shaped dip followed by a sideways shuffle. 🕺 First, it plunges like a man off a cliff, then rebounds like a rubber ball, only to slump again into a descending channel. It’s like watching a drunk man try to walk a straight line.