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The drama kicked off when an associate’s Telegram account was hacked, leading to a malicious meeting link being spread. The unsuspecting target, as one does, clicked on the link and entered what seemed like a perfectly normal video call. Surprise! The call was faker than a $3 bill.

According to the announcement, Polymarket is now leveraging Chainlink’s “low-latency, timestamped, and verifiable oracle reports” to predict the future of asset prices. This is apparently a big deal, as it allows users to speculate on cryptocurrency pairs with the precision of a man who’s sure he knows when the next ice age will start-based on a graph he drew in MS Paint.

The newly unveiled Ondo Global Markets platform, a veritable playground for the financially adventurous, has seduced over $160 million in assets in mere days. 🤑 Here, one can frolic with tokenized versions of over 100 stocks and ETFs, including the likes of Tesla, Nvidia, and Google-because who needs Wall Street when you can have blockchain? 🏦➡️🔗

Five out of six of our eager little debutants managed to price above their projected ranges, but, oh, what a delightful little plot twist-most of them slipped back down to Earth, clinging to their initial levels like a teenager with their first mobile phone contract. Adorable, but not exactly explosive.

It is as if the PENGU chart is simply following the age-old rhythm of “expand, retreat, expand”-a sequence as predictable as the tides. Each new sharp expansion is met by a pullback so gentle, you could almost mistake it for a nap. The recent retrace has barely scratched the surface, maintaining the holy grail of higher-lows. Now, if you watch closely, you’ll see the candles closing in on tighter ranges. A bit like an animal preparing to pounce. Ah, the suspense! The markets are poised, waiting for the inevitable breakout. Will it be $0.056 or perhaps a glorious $0.080 in the weeks to come?

CryptoQuant has crunched the numbers, and apparently, these mid-sized wallets are holding more BTC than ever before-an all-time high of 3.65 million BTC. A tip of the hat to XWIN Research Japan, who observed that this little buying spree occurred while the price was a cool $112,000. Yep, you heard that right-just a casual $112,000. And still, the sharks are gobbling up every bit they can. Clearly, short-term volatility doesn’t scare them, and they’re not bothered by the fact that the little fish are flipping out over every price dip. 🏝️

After a dramatic dip to about $107,000-an amount one might only flaunt at somewhat exclusive cocktail parties-Bitcoin has made a dashing recovery. It now flirts just above $114,000, trading in the vicinity of $115,000, as though daring fate to intervene.

Announced on Tuesday via the Project’s official X channel (and not your average Tuesday), the Filecoin Ethereum Virtual Machine (FEVM) now comes with support for point addition, scalar multiplication, and pairing operations on the BLS12-381 curve. Now, before you run away screaming from all the jargon, just know that these upgrades bring ‘strong cryptographic guarantees’ and efficient aggregation to the table. Translation: It’s faster, smarter, and more secure than your average security system, but with less drama. (And by drama, I mean zero-knowledge proofs and multi-party computation – super important, but far less exciting than it sounds.)

So, here’s the tea: Inflation was a tiny bit spicier than expected (thanks, Bureau of Labor Statistics, for the heart palpitations), but the real drama? Jobless claims surged like a bad Tinder date gone wrong. Economists are now convinced the Fed will cut rates next week, and suddenly, stocks were like, “Let’s break records!” All three major indices closed at all-time highs, and Bitcoin was like, “Hold my crypto,” and joined the rally. 🌟💸

While most of the big-league altcoins remain in a perpetual snooze mode, like those poor souls stuck in traffic on their way to the office, many of the mid-sized and smaller tokens are off to the races, experiencing a rally that would make a racehorse jealous.