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The tidings came punctually on a Tuesday (for is there a more bureaucratic day for such things?)-Ripple is to be trusted with BBVA’s crypto custody, mere heartbeats after BBVA revealed its designs for retail trading and custody service for Bitcoin and Ether. What next, one wonders. Will BBVA offer flamenco lessons in the metaverse? For now, the bank would rather lean on Ripple’s institutional prowess to tend to its customers’ digital treasures, ushering them through the confusing fog like a latter-day Bazarov, half-amused by the fervor of the age.

Now, currently sitting pretty at around $113,050, it means we’re looking at a jaunty 35% hop upwards. With roughly three months ticking down to December 25, traders have tossed themselves into what can only be described as the “year-end dash,” complete with pom-poms and probably a harried office party or two.

On a delightful Monday morning, BitMine, a company dedicated to hoarding crypto for long-term growth (because who doesn’t love a good digital treasure hunt?), announced that their crypto and cash holdings have breached the $9.21 billion mark. Oh, how the digital gold rush continues! The company now holds 2,069,443 ETH, valued at $4,312 each, along with 192 Bitcoin (BTC) and a cool $266 million in unencumbered cash. Yes, cash. Because, apparently, they like to mix the digital and the analog. This puts them squarely at the 1.71% of Ethereum’s total supply-still a far cry from their ultimate goal of controlling 5%, but one must start somewhere, right?

Ce geste introduit par l’audace de notre gouvernance, frappe non moins que ce fier superstition ou délit, et vise à faire exécuter neuf entités birmanes, alors que dix de nationalité cambodgienne, sans éviter de mettre dans la lumière deux formations chinoises. Ces institutions pestilentielles, selon les murmures et accusations dévoilées, assurent l’organisation de ces sinistres cabines de fraude, et ont consommé la fortune et le bonheur de plus d’une dizaine de milliards appartenant aux appelés Américains, en l’année fatidique de 2024. 🎯

Ah, the 3-day chart! That canvas of capricious fortunes has bestowed upon PENGU a new buy signal, courtesy of the TD Sequential indicator. Ali Martinez, that crypto sphinx, has declared it so with a “9” candle-a harbinger of the downtrend’s demise. Sellers, it seems, are losing their grip, like a glove at a tea party. 🧤

ARK Invest, with a flick of its financial tail, snapped up 101,950 shares of BitMine Immersion Technologies (BMNR) on Monday. 🦄 These shares were sprinkled across three magical funds: The Ark Innovation ETF (now holding a tidy 2.6% of BitMine), the Ark Next Generation Internet ETF, and the ARK Fintech Innovation ETF. Together, they’ve hoarded 6.7 million BitMine shares worth a cool $284 million. 🧙‍♂️💼

In an “open letter”-a phrase that always promises more melodrama than a Chekhovian drawing room-Leonidas declared that if Bitcoin Core dares to tighten its relay policy, he will bankroll a fork so pure, so unburdened by “policy rules,” that it will make the blockchain weep with joy. Or perhaps boredom. “Thousands will run it,” he proclaimed, with the confidence of a man who has clearly never met a thousand people willing to agree on anything. 🤷‍♂️

The second luminary of the crypto heavens, Ethereum, finds itself entangled in what one might call a peculiar and somewhat alarming development-a descent into volatility so profound that it borders on nonexistence. With ETH languishing stubbornly around the $4,295 mark after weeks of insipid activity, price fluctuations have all but evaporated. Such torpor is hardly conducive to a market fueled by momentum, is it not?

Sure, they *might* still sell NFTs in their “21st Century Art” category, but let’s be honest-that’s like saying you’ll still eat Brussels sprouts. Unlikely. 😏

Apparently, some analysts on X (yeah, that’s what they call Twitter now, don’t ask) like @TehLamboXcharts and @ali_charts are saying ENA’s got a bull flag breakout. 🚩 Big deal. It’s approaching $0.77, which is, you know, a critical support and resistance level. Whatever that means. Warrior Trading (2023) says bull flags usually mean 20-50% gains in bullish markets. Or maybe it’s just a fluke. Who’s keeping track? 🤔