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Northern Data, who basically run the digital equivalent of a really fancy kettle for AI, will now be absorbed into Rumble’s universe of cat videos and conspiracy docs. Imagine a gym rat discovering quinoa-Rumble is about to get VERY into “wellness” (AI wellness). 💪+🤖

But wait! Bitcoin’s network, which functions like a snail on a motorway 🐌, might buckle under the weight of your newfound wealth. Transactions will crawl, and fees will spike-just when you’re trying to send your first million. Classic.

This grand feat follows not one, but two capital ascensions-each a shimmering splash of euros-like a financial splash poem. The first, at €3.47 a share, dripped €8.7 million into the coffers to fetch 80 BTC, while a second, at €2.90 a share, lined their pockets with €5 million for 46 BTC. Meanwhile, the company boasts a yardstick-a prodigious 1,519.5% yield year-to-date. Yes, you read that right. That’s a yield so juicy it could make a banker blush. Their BTC bounty increased by 607.8, and they’ve raked in around €60 million-just enough to buy a small island, or perhaps just a very nice yacht.

Unchallenged Monarch Among Exchange Tokens

Now, this is no ordinary economist-oh no! Analyst Henrik Zeberg, having amassed a legion of 190,600 followers on the platform X (formerly known as Twitter, but let’s not confuse matters with a simple name), claims we are careening into the “largest financial bubble ever.” Yes, you heard it right, folks! Larger than Auntie Marge’s famous Christmas pudding, and just as likely to cause chaos! 💥

This mysterious institution accumulated another 49,533 $ETH ($212M) today.

Over the past week, they have accumulated 221,166 $ETH ($946.6M) from #FalconX, #GalaxyDigital, and #BitGo.

Observe! This scandalous liaison hovers like an over-rouged rococo cherub above the Interchain Ballroom, wagging its gilt finger at all lesser multi-token harems and remedial sub-DAO pageboys. The warning: “Abandon all fractal governance, ye who enter here.” 🎭

Oh, how noble it sounds to champion a “community-led vision” while keeping all the strings firmly in your own hands! The Pi Core Team wields power like a monarch refusing to abdicate their throne. Protocol upgrades? Their call. Migration timelines? Their decision. Developer policies? You guessed it-their domain. Smaller exchanges may have taken pity on Pi, but giants like Binance demand decentralization before granting entry. It seems even blockchain royalty must earn their crown. 👑

The S&P 500 loves earnings like I love Spanx-holding everything together no matter how ugly the situation. Meanwhile, Nasdaq just high-fived itself into orbit, proving good fundamentals > political dumpster fires & PSA classes (“Professional Screaming Analysts” on TV).

The STG token, so full of promise just a short while ago, is to be…retired. A dignified term, I suppose, for being absorbed. Holders will receive, if they consent of course, a mere 0.08634 ZRO for each STG. Such precision! It’s almost unsettling. Apparently, at the time of announcement, this equates to – and one shudders at such calculations – $0.1675 per STG and $1.94 per ZRO. Truly, the market is a capricious mistress.