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The crypto world, always a hive of whispers and wild theories, is now frothing at the mouth like a giant peach on a wild ride. Who could be behind this? Is it Satoshi himself, rising from the grave like a phantom with a penchant for blockchain? Or perhaps it’s a mischievous fox who’s finally cracked the code? 🦊🔐

Rising on-chain activity and “solid fundamentals” are keeping SUI afloat, but let’s be real: it’s all about the *vibes*. Total value locked hit $2.2B—because who doesn’t want to park their money in a $1.7B to $2.2B upgrade? And decentralized exchange volume? It’s doubling faster than my ex’s dating profile updates. 💰👯♀️

Et voilà que leur trésor s’élève désormais à 334 757 ETH, surpassant de loin la Fondation Ethereum elle-même qui doit se contenter de ses 234 000 ETH. Ah, la jalousie, n’est-ce pas? 🎭 Tout cela grâce à de l’argent bien placé, provenant d’une précédente levée de fonds privée, avec encore jusqu’à 407 millions en réserve — parce qu’on ne sait jamais quand il faut acheter encore plus de cet or numérique! 💸

Much to our amusement, Kraken boasted of robust year-over-year growth—an extravaganza!—yet, like a tumble of overly festive fireworks, experienced a quarterly decline. Meanwhile, Robinhood joined the party, strutting in with its own sob story of faltering performance compared to Q1 2025.

XRP, the dignified elder statesman of crypto, has been flexing its cross-border payment muscles while sipping tea after Ripple’s partial court victory against the SEC. Oh, what a time to be alive! The legal win has sent institutions whispering sweet nothings into XRP’s ear, reigniting hopes for partnerships that were previously frozen like forgotten leftovers in the back of the fridge. Meanwhile, Solana—crypto’s comeback kid—is sprinting out of its post-FTX slump faster than you can say “NFTs.” With skyrocketing developer activity, it’s practically the life of the blockchain party. 🎉

The blockchain behemoth and its devoted community are marking the 10th anniversary with a retrospective of the most pivotal moments since its inception in 2015. From the dizzying heights of the ICO frenzy to the NFT boom, the monumental The Merge, and even the approval of spot exchange-traded funds (ETFs), Ethereum has seen it all and then some.

Check Point, the cybersecurity folks who probably have a PhD in “I told you so,” warns that fake crypto apps are out to get you. Because who wouldn’t want to download a fake Binance app? I mean, who’s got time to check if it’s real? 🤷‍♂️

Source – Visa Q3 Earnings. Because nothing says ‘thrilling’ like quarterly reports, right?

Ah, the illustrious Coinbase has proclaimed a partnership of grand proportions with none other than Samsung Pay, that paragon of mobile wallets! This union aims to transform the labyrinthine process of acquiring cryptocurrency into a mere stroll in the park—if one were to stroll through a park filled with digital coins, that is. 💰

Furthermore, the report has the audacity to urge Congress to pass legislation that supports DeFi innovation. Yes, because what we really need is more legislation in a world already drowning in it. And let’s not forget the modernization of anti-money laundering rules, which is like putting a fresh coat of paint on a sinking ship. 🚢