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So, someone decided to capitalize on the passing of two icons, Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan, by launching meme coins. Spoiler: it didn’t end well. 🚀📉

The latest installment comes courtesy of the ever-reliable, occasionally scandalized Nile-side tabloid known as The Cable, which conveyed Agama’s words—“Nigeria is open for stablecoin business, but on terms that protect our markets and empower Nigerians.” Translation: “Come on in, but don’t get too clever, or we’ll send the regulatory coppers after you.”

Indeed, the altcoin, that fickle mistress, has suffered a grievous decline, with traders dramatically withdrawing a staggering $196 million from the eccentric embrace of the market. One cannot help but wonder: are these traders fleeing the sinking ship, or simply taking a leisurely stroll while the world crumbles? 🤷‍♂️

Now, hold onto your hats, because this ain’t your grandma’s investment strategy. Saylor’s cooked up a scheme called Series A Perpetual Stretch (STRC), or ‘Stretch’ for short—because why not add a little yoga to finance? 🧘♂️ It’s 5M shares at $90 a pop, with a dividend yield that’ll make your eyes water: 9% initial, stretching to 9.5–10% if you squint just right. And get this—the dividend’s tied to SOFR, so it’s as stable as a three-legged stool on a rocky boat. 🚀

According to the wise souls at CryptoQuant and their fancy Bitcoin Price Drawdown Analysis, our current 6% dip is as steady as a turtle on a lazy afternoon, sitting easily within the realm of normality we’ve witnessed in past bull runs. It appears that this little tumble is less of a cataclysm and more of a healthy retail therapy break for our beloved Bitcoin.

In a dramatic flourish, Sun smashed the opening bell, proclaiming this victory a dream wrought from the sinews of time, a painstaking 15 years in the making. Because why not make an entrance befitting a legend? 🎉

the stabilization of the ever-volatile Ghanaian cedi. Over the past year, the cedi has experienced a miraculous appreciation of 48%, a stark contrast to the 25% decline witnessed in the preceding year. Such fluctuations, akin to the capricious whims of the gods, complicate the central bank’s efforts to steer the monetary ship through treacherous waters, especially in a land so reliant on imports.

Among today’s elite performers, HYPER has decided to flaunt its double-digit gains like a peacock in a carnival, all whilst Bitcoin and the high-spirited altcoins took a rather ungraceful tumble on Friday’s dance floor.

The announcement, made on July 24 via the company’s EigenCloud X account, was met with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for a rare Chekhov play. Until now, AVSs were shackled to Ethereum’s mainnet, where growth was as slow as a Russian winter. But fear not! With the new Multi-Chain Verification feature, AVSs can now frolic on Layer 2 networks like Base, unburdened by the chains of their former existence. 🦋

Leading the charge is Aaron Kirman, CEO of Christie’s Southern California division, who is managing over $1 billion in crypto-listed properties. This is a realm where only those paying in cryptocurrency are allowed to play — no cash, no credit, just digital coins. And no, you can’t use your credit card. Don’t even try. 😉