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Ether ETFs kept their winning streak alive, grabbing another $296.59 million — 12 days straight of catching the green wave. Fidelity’s FETH and Blackrock’s ETHA were the star performers, pulling in $126.93 million and $101.98 million respectively, as if to say, “We’re just getting started.”

PUMP.fun (PUMP) has decided that gravity is, in fact, a law. The $0.004035 “support” level—once a cozy nest for hopeful traders—is now a distant memory. Like a bad relationship, it tried to rekindle things on July 22, but the rejection was swift and brutal.

He’s talkin’ about market caps, and inflation, and some kinda wave theory that sounds like tryin’ to predict the ocean with a teaspoon. Says folks are missin’ the bleedin’ obvious. That it ain’t just about the price goin’ up, it’s about how many of these digital beans are floatin’ around. More beans mean less punch to each one, see? Simple enough, even for a fella who spends all day lookin’ at glowin’ screens. He says you gotta look at the whole field, not just one pretty bloom.

The company bravely declared that these shiny new tokens came from spot purchases and some discounted locked SOL—because who doesn’t love a bargain? Plus, they raked in 867 SOL through staking, validator rewards, and some on-chain wizardry. Clearly, they’re hell-bent on expanding their Solana empire. Watch out, world!

Now, what, pray tell, is this golden cross? Imagine it—a short-term moving average, quite sprightly, skips above the long-term moving average like a whimsical dancer at a ball, often the 50-day moving average touching the majestic tail of the 200-day one. It’s a signal for hope! Upward momentum, they say! Who wouldn’t want such momentum trailing behind them like a loyal pet? 🦴

Yes, dear reader, they are fast-tracking legislation so swiftly that one might wonder if their pens are fueled by rocket fuel or sheer desperation. After all, who wants to be left behind when the global crypto train departs? Certainly not South Korea’s Democratic Party, which believes clearer rules will protect users while enticing businesses—because nothing screams “economic opportunity” like hastily written laws. 😅

Now, let’s break down the players in this little drama. Ark Invest’s ARKB led the charge with a hefty $77.5 million outflow, which is enough to buy a small island or two. Not to be left behind, Grayscale’s GBTC chipped in with $36.8 million, and Fidelity’s FBTC managed to lose around $12.8 million. VanECK and Bitwise, those plucky underdogs, also saw some red, with $2.5 million and $1.9 million outflows, respectively.

Now picture this: on July 21, ETH soared to a splendid local high of $3,851, like a hot air balloon filled with dreams, only to plummet down to a mere $3,658. Traders, in classic speculative form, are scratching their heads and asking, “Is this the infamous local top?” Spoiler alert: at the time of this writing, ETH has tumbled down nearly 3% on the day, accompanied by a trading volume eating up the charts at $442 billion. Talk about leaving the party with your pockets lighter! 🕺

During a Monday chat with Bloomberg—probably sitting in a dimly lit room with a cigar and a whiskey—CEO Devin McGranahan declared that stablecoins are not the beast to be feared but rather a shiny new toy, “a fresh opportunity to innovate.” Because if there’s one thing a 175-year-old company loves, it’s ‘innovation’—even if it means jumping onto a bandwagon where nobody really knows the destination. 🚶‍♂️💰

Grachev himself, in a recent communication to the, shall we say, ‘enthusiasts’ of the crypto world, informed them that the funds had been spirited away due to “security concerns.” A perfectly reasonable worry, given the sort of shenanigans one hears about. And, to add a touch of respectability, they’ve even got an independent auditor who’s signed a letter confirming the great escape. A letter! Honestly, the lengths these people go to.