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Jesse, ever the cynic (and who can blame him in today’s financial theatre?), contends that the lawsuit enveloping Ripple has precious little to do with the dreary business of regulation. Rather, it is a splendid masquerade; a pantomime choreographed not by the SEC, but by those for whom subtlety is a currency and NDAs are but fashionable veils. The waltz continues, XRP remains the Cinderella of crypto—always promised the ball, but perpetually left cleaning up in the marketplace kitchen. 👑

In Washington, Republican lawmakers in the House of Representatives have designated the week of July 14–18 as “Crypto Week,” during which three major crypto-related bills will be considered. The legislative focus comes as pressure mounts to create a clearer regulatory structure for the industry.

According to the local watchdogs, there’s been a *whole bunch* of projects rolling out fake stablecoins. How fake, you ask? Well, they don’t even have reserves to back them up. Shocking, I know. These tokens are like that one friend who promises to buy you lunch and then somehow “forgets” their wallet. They lure unsuspecting investors with promises of high returns and “stability”—but let’s be real, it’s just a house of cards built on nothing. 😬

But let us not delude ourselves: somewhere in the shadows, the bears are plotting, their fangs sharpened upon old resistance zones, even as bullish hope splashes across the charts like vodka at a wake. Oh, the cosmic irony! The bigger picture roars “bullish,” meanwhile every hourly candle sighs with existential doubt.

According to crypto.news, Celestia (TIA) hit an intraday high of $1.68 on July 7, settling at $1.65 by the time I finished my second cup of coffee. With a market cap of $1.15 billion, it’s like a small country with a big dream.

Yes, BTC put on a 30% glow-up in Q2—think “new haircut before family wedding”—but recently it’s been going nowhere fast, obsession-level stuck between $100,000 and $108,000, like an indecisive suitor at a speed dating event. Still, it hasn’t done anything embarrassing (read: dropped below $100k), and now sits prettily just under its all-time high, pursing its lips and looking expectant across the candlelit table. Cue dramatic economic music. 🎻

The government of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) has dashed the hopes of cryptocurrency investors, specifically those holding TON tokens, by denying the existence of a golden visa program tailored for them. The clarification comes as a blog post from The Open Network (TON) presented a “10-Year UAE Golden Visa with TON” initiative.

In this age when soothsayers boldly forecast XRP tickling $10, $100, or some briefly glimpsed paradise far higher, the question ought to be humbler: is there hope for a return journey to $3, or shall we all take up astrology as a more reputable pursuit?

This isn’t just a number; it’s a testament to the network’s growth and its growing influence in the global crypto landscape, especially in the bustling corridors of stablecoin transfers between Asia and Latin America. 🌍➡️🌎

To an X user who inquired if Bitcoin would be welcomed, Musk, never one to spill a syllable without an audience, replied, “Fiat is hopeless, so yes.” One wonders if his bank manager fainted upon reading this, or merely developed a mysterious twitch in one eyebrow.