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On the bright side, stablecoins are like the über-efficient PA bridging DeFi and TradFi, fixing TradFi’s snail-paced transactions with the speed of a caffeine-fueled Bridget Jones typing up her diary. Meanwhile, banks are side-eyeing the whole situation like Mark Darcy at a singles mixer, especially after that “reward” debate threw them into the spotlight.

But hey, futures traders, this is your moment to shine-or crash and burn. Because if key levels break, it’s gonna be a wild ride. Buckle up, buttercup.

Bitcoin’s recent price action is about as bearish as my mood after a bad round of golf. It’s consolidating below a critical resistance zone, which is just a fancy way of saying it’s stuck. After failing to hold the range high, BTC decided to take a nosedive. Now it’s just hanging around the midpoint, looking indecisive. Consolidation? More like procrastination. And the structure of this pause? Let’s just say it’s not exactly inspiring confidence.

Lo and behold! Earlier this week, the esteemed Core Team of Pi Network unveiled its latest magnum opus-a payment integration within the Pi App Studio. This revelation is akin to handing a hammer to a toddler: it allows non-technical users to build within the ecosystem without needing to understand the mysteries of coding. Yet, alas, they remain shackled to the chains of the test version, forever dreaming of a day when they might roam free in the full expanse of their creation.

Elliptic, that vigilant sentinel of the crypto realm, has cast its analytical eye upon A7A5 and revealed a narrative of rapid growth and prodigious volumes. This token, born of necessity, flourished as a lifeline for firms estranged from the embrace of conventional banks. Daily flows swelled into torrents, each transaction a note in a symphony of commerce, until the aggregate transfers reached milestones that could scarcely be ignored.

In the land of a thousand islands, the crypto craze has taken a rather peculiar turn. The Financial Services Authority (OJK) has declared that while the cash registers aren’t ringing as loudly as they used to, the number of crypto enthusiasts has ballooned to a whopping 20 million! It’s like everyone’s decided to swap their rupiah for digital confetti, hoping it’ll turn into a parade.

Mr. Paul Atkins, he of the SEC, and Mr. Mike Selig, presiding over the CFTC, will grace a joint public gathering, all in the name of “harmonization.” A rather grand word, wouldn’t you agree, for what is essentially an attempt to sort out a muddle of their own making? And all, naturally, to further the ambitions of the former President, Donald Trump, who, with a characteristic flourish, desires the United States to become the very heart of all things cryptographic.

This, presumably, is what they mean by a “stress test.” Though if this were any more stressful, I’d need to start referring to myself in the third person and charging for therapy sessions.

According to Cathie Wood’s financial crystal ball, the entire crypto space could be worth-say it slowly-$28 trillion by 2030. Not billion. Trillion. As in, “I no longer need to queue at Pret A Manger, I can just buy the chain and rebrand it vegan.”

Billed as Bill 352, this proposal would let Kansas’ Public Employees Retirement System (KPERS) gamble up to 10% of its funds on Bitcoin ETFs. Let’s hope the board has a better sense of timing than my Aunt Carol, who bought into “Bitcoin” in 2017 and now refers to it as her “digital regret.”