qfx 
Once again, rumors of China wielding the crypto ban hammer have outdone themselves—cutting Bitcoin below $113,000 overnight. Yes, dear reader, the spectacle! And all because someone whispered “ban” in a crowded digital tea party. ☕️
The world’s globe-trotting exchange-traded products (ETPs) promptly suffered outflows worth $223 million, reports CoinShares, published on a Monday for maximal existential effect—could one imagine a more tragic workweek overture? 🥀
Hunter Horsley, CEO of Bitwise Asset Management (yes, another crypto bigwig), decided to bestow upon Brad Garlinghouse—the man who eats subpoenas for breakfast—an honorary medal of valor. Well, not literally, but you get the idea.
For a company that spent the last few years locked in a legal tango with the SEC—complete with dramatic freezes and courtroom fireworks—this ranking is the blockchain equivalent of being invited to the Royal Ball. A triumph not just for Ripple, but for the entire crypto industry, which is finally learning that lawsuits and success can coexist. 🎩⚖️
But it is XRP, dear readers, that has decided to hog the limelight, surging a full 6% in the last 24 hours! It briefly flirted with the dizzying height of $3.03 before settling down, like a particularly ambitious social climber, at $3.00. Such extravagance! The trading volume, naturally, has tripled, because nothing says “sensible investment” like a frenzied mob. It appears “big investors” are involved… or perhaps just unusually excitable pigeons. 🐦
According to Le Monde, the far-right deputies have framed Bitcoin mining as a “solution” to France’s energy excesses—a problem born of their own policy failures. They claim the country’s nuclear grid, a marvel of engineering, is underutilized, and thus ripe for monetization. One might almost believe in progress if not for the stench of opportunism.
Reports fluttered ostentatiously across X (that’s “formerly Twitter” for those still inhabiting the pre-Musk epoch) and a motley collection of crypto-centric watering holes. The general tenor: Kiyosaki had, in yet another moment of capitalist prophecy, declared 1,000 XRP sufficient to achieve dynastic glory. For those lured by the siren song of riches-without-effort, this was as intoxicating as cheap rosé at a country fête. 🙄
On a Tuesday that felt more like a Friday, the SEC decided to boost the number of allowed options contracts from a paltry 25,000 to a whopping 250,000. Greg Cipolaro, NYDIG’s global head of research, chimed in like a town crier, “This ain’t just a change, it’s a landslide!” He reckons IBIT’s already monstrous lead will stretch wider, while Fidelity’s FBTC gets left chewing the dust. 😏
According to crypto oracle MasterAnanda, Bitcoin’s support isn’t totally weak—nope, it’s pretty much sitting in a cozy support pillow at above $110,000. The current declines? A mere 8% retreat from its $123,000 record high in July. Just a quick breather before the next moon landing, right? Nope, just market stuff—“part of the normal workings,” says our wise analyst. They’re telling us to chillax because corrections like this are basically the crypto version of ‘catch your breath before smashing higher again’.
Since mid-2023, Bitcoin’s ascent has been nothing short of a Tolstoy novel—epic, dramatic, and utterly captivating. The cryptocurrency has soared over 300%, leaving traditional investments in the dust like a troika at full gallop. The S&P 500, despite its record highs, managed a mere 38% gain—a respectable showing, but hardly worthy of a Pushkin ode. Gold, driven by inflation fears and geopolitical theatrics, mustered nearly 70%, while Ethereum trailed with a 56% rise. Oil, poor Oil, barely stirred from its slumber. 🛢️
