Bitcoin Backed Bling: Coinbase’s Amex Card is Here to Make Your Wallet Cry (with Joy) 💸✨

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Markets

What to know:

  • Coinbase is rolling out an Amex card that promises up to 4% bitcoin cashback, because nothing says “financial freedom” like earning fractions of a penny on your morning latte. ☕💰
  • The card’s design features Bitcoin’s Genesis Block, because why carry a boring piece of plastic when you can flaunt a tiny, expensive history lesson in your wallet? 📜✨
  • It’s competing with Gemini’s crypto card, but let’s be honest, this one has more flair-and probably a higher chance of confusing your barista. 🥴

Coinbase, the company that’s been trying to make crypto as mainstream as a Kardashian, is launching an American Express card this fall. And no, it’s not just another piece of plastic-it’s a statement. A very expensive, slightly pretentious statement. 🤑

A card that’s basically a Bitcoin shrine

Most crypto cards are about perks. This one? It’s about symbolism. Etched with data from the Genesis Block, it’s like carrying a piece of history-or at least a piece of code that most people will mistake for a fancy barcode. 🧐

The hexadecimal code on the card is straight from Bitcoin’s first block, created by the elusive Satoshi Nakamoto in 2009. For the non-techies, hexadecimal is just a fancy way of saying “numbers and letters that look cool but make your brain hurt.” 🧠💥

And let’s not forget the embedded message from a 2009 Times headline: “Chancellor on brink of second bailout for banks.” Because nothing says “I’m part of a financial revolution” like a passive-aggressive jab at central banks. 🙄

Even the name “Coinbase” is a nod to Bitcoin’s inner workings. It’s like naming your kid “Photosynthesis” because you really love plants. 🌱

All this to say: this card isn’t just for spending-it’s for signaling. It’s for the person who wants to scream, “I believe in Bitcoin!” every time they buy a pack of gum. 🗣️

Features, rollout, and why you’ll probably still use your Starbucks card more

The Coinbase One Amex card is exclusive to Coinbase One subscribers, because nothing says “inclusive” like a paid membership. 🎟️ Members can earn up to 4% cashback in bitcoin, which is great if you’re okay with your rewards fluctuating more than your ex’s mood. 🎢

No foreign transaction fees, though, so at least you can spend your money abroad without feeling like you’re being mugged by your bank. 🌍

And don’t worry-your bitcoin rewards won’t show up on your 1099. But if you sell them, the IRS will be knocking. Because nothing’s truly free, not even crypto. 💸👮

Gemini’s card offers 3% cashback on multiple cryptocurrencies, but Coinbase is betting that Bitcoin purists will pay extra for the privilege of carrying a tiny monument to decentralization. 🏛️

So, is this card for you? If you’re the kind of person who corrects others when they say “crypto” instead of “Bitcoin,” then yes. Otherwise, maybe stick to your boring old rewards card. But hey, at least this one’s a conversation starter-or a great way to confuse your grandparents. 🤷‍♂️

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2025-10-11 22:46