Earlier this morning Bitcoin,
after cheerfully ignoring the “Do Not Feed the Bulls” sign, galloped up to $124,500, smashing the universal previous record (much to the horror of surrounding plate glass windows). Celebratory memes were minted, victory tweets flecked with fireworks were dispatched, and somewhere a small but vocal subreddit held hands and attempted the Macarena.
Alas, before anyone could rig the digital bunting, the market remembered its allergy to exuberance and casually dipped back to $121,500-leaving everyone feeling rather like the Royal Guard marching straight into pole-axed pigeons 😑.
Enter CryptoQuant’s Net Unrealized Profit/Loss meter, a contraption resembling the mood ring your eccentric aunt once marketed during Saturn’s transit. Traditionally, NUPL screaming “All Green!” has been followed by a brisk fire-drill of profit-taking and panicked paper hands flapping about. Yet, in today’s inflation-proof trench coat of institutions and ETF-licensed spot-flow, the indicator is taking the stairs instead of leaping off the balcony, thereby delaying the traditional “Hello ground!” moment.
This has analysts drawing straight faces and concluding-with a seriousness normally reserved for weather reports on gas giants-that we may in fact be installing Peak #3, a hitherto-unobserved lunar phenomenon resembling a staircase built by someone who kept misplacing their spirit level. 🧗♀️
Bitcoin NUPL Discovers New Cheeky Hobby: Collecting Peaks
According to dr. Yonsei Dent, a man who can pronounce “Net Unrealized Profit/Loss” without spitting on colleagues, NUPL is essentially the cosmic tally of “I’m Rich!” versus “Where Did I Leave My Keys?” coins.
- 2017: One arrow-straight peak. Market fell over like a badly-wired Dalek.
- 2021: Double top. Second peak elicited collective “Oh go on then” before final face-plant.
- 2025 (current guessing period): A tantalising third peak is attempting assembly-instructions included in pictograms 📘.
Blunder-eyed ETFs-portable cages full of suits who finally read the whitepaper footnotes-are credited for dampening volatility to the consistency of week-old Victoria sponge. This, apparently, is progress.
Resistance Sits on the $123K Couch, Refuses to Budge
For those who like squiggly rainbow lines: Bitcoin now stands at $121,596, down a statistically insignificant 1.37 % (unless you are on 20× leverage, in which case order a stiff drink 🍸). It brushed the $124,501 celestial froth before discovering a rather large “No Vacancy” sign at the $123K-$124K hostel.
Comfort resides nearby at $120K (thin comforter), $117K (real duvet), and the triple bunk bed formed by the rising 50-, 100-, and 200-day SMAs-currently debating whether to offer hot cocoa or gently roll occupant onto floor if snoring persists.
bulls retain steering wheel, but the road appears to now include speed bumps hand-crafted by bureaucrats wielding fiscal cushions. Navigation advised via wallet map and galaxy-grade humour 😉.
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2025-08-14 21:31