Bitcoin ETFs: From Tears to Tears (But Make It $70M) 🤑📉

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In the grand theater of finance, where fortunes ebb and flow like the tides of a drunken sailor’s salary, the spot Bitcoin exchange-traded funds (ETFs) have staged a modest rebellion against despair. After four weeks of weeping withdrawals-ah, the drama!-they now bask in the warm embrace of $70 million in net inflows, as if the market had finally remembered to pack a hanky.

This reversal, dear reader, is but a flicker of hope amid a month of financial woe. Four weeks prior, these ETFs had bled a staggering $4.35 billion, their assets plummeting like a poorly timed joke at a funeral. The nadir? November 2025, when two weeks saw $1.22 billion vanish, faster than a hare in a rabbit warren. One might say the investors were playing a particularly cruel game of musical chairs-except the chairs were made of ether and the music was a stock market crash.

On the fateful Friday, Bitcoin (BTC) funds danced into the spotlight with $71 million in inflows, their cumulative total now a gilded $57.7 billion. Combined net assets, like a tipsy sailor counting his coins, now hover near $119.4 billion-6.5% of Bitcoin’s market cap. A pittance, perhaps, but a pittance with flair.

BlackRock’s IBIT, the grumpy old man of the bunch, coughed up $113.7 million in outflows, but lo! Rival funds Fidelity’s FBTC ($77.5M) and ARK 21Shares’ ARKB ($88M) leapt in like knights in shining armor-or at least knights with better spreadsheets. One might call it a financial ballet, if the dancers were all slightly inebriated.

Ether ETFs: The Comeback Kid (But Make It $312M)

Ether ETFs, ever the underdogs, have also summoned their inner phoenix, raking in $312.6 million in weekly inflows after three weeks of financial purgatory. Their prior outflows? A $1.74 billion hemorrhage, with the Nov. 14, 2025 week alone seeing $728.6 million vanish like smoke from a poorly lit candle.

Friday, however, was a day of triumph. Ether ETFs welcomed $76.6 million in inflows, their cumulative total now a sprightly $12.94 billion. Total assets? A modest $19.15 billion, or 5.2% of Ether’s market cap. One might say they’re not quite royalty, but they’re certainly not peasants.

Bitcoin’s Desperate Dance Toward $100K

As if summoned by the ghost of Mr. Dostoevsky himself, trader Mister Crypto has declared Bitcoin may have hit a short-term bottom. RSI, that fickle mistress, now teeters on oversold levels, while whales reopen long positions like a drunkard betting on the next round. A relief rally to $100,000-$110,000? Perhaps. But let us not forget: markets are written in blood, not in tea leaves.

André Dragosch of Bitwise Europe, that sage of European cryptomancy, has also weighed in. He claims Bitcoin’s current price is a lie-a fib told to a child about the tooth fairy. Major upside? Of course! But then again, who are we to argue with a man who once bet his last kopeck on a bear market?

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2025-11-29 15:53