Bitcoin’s 2,200% Surge? The Universe Just Fired a Warning Shot!

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Merlijn The Trader, a self-proclaimed oracle of the digital realm, has just declared that quantitative tightening has officially concluded-though one suspects the Fed might have been busy reprogramming the universe’s Wi-Fi password. Historically, this has been a bit like lighting a fuse and hoping for a fireworks show, which, in Bitcoin’s case, tends to involve a lot of screaming and questionable life choices.

Merlijn remains as bullish as a cow in a field of hay, insisting that Bitcoin is currently in its “second phase of manipulation,” which is apparently a fancy way of saying “we’re all just waiting for the next plot twist in this cosmic soap opera.” He predicts a return to $100,000, which is about as likely as a penguin winning the World Cup. But hey, stranger things have happened-like the Fed deciding to stop tightening and instead start… whatever this is.

QT Ending: BTC to Millions of $?

Though the official QT end date is December 1, 2025 (a date so far in the future it might as well be the year 3000), Merlijn is more interested in the “macro bitcoin picture.” He compares it to 2019, when the Fed suddenly decided to stop being a grumpy old man and start acting like a confused toddler with a credit card. Bitcoin then rocketed from $3,000 to $69,000, which is like a toddler getting a $69,000 birthday cake and then eating it all.

He claims the “macro trigger” is the same now, which is either a masterclass in circular logic or the universe’s way of saying, “You’re all going to regret this.” If Bitcoin stays above $70,000, the rally begins. If it drops below $60,000, the accumulation extends. Which is just code for “we’re all just waiting for the next chapter in this mystery novel where the ending is always ‘profit’ or ‘regret.’”

If Bitcoin were to surge 2,200% again, it would hit over $1.6 million. Needlessly to say, this sounds about as plausible as a sentient toaster winning the Nobel Prize. But Bitcoin has a habit of proving people wrong, which is either impressive or a sign that the universe has a sick sense of humor.

QUANTITATIVE TIGHTENING JUST ENDED. AGAIN.

Last time QT ended in 2019, Bitcoin went from $3K to $69K.

Same macro trigger. Same demand zone. Right now.

Above $70K: the rally begins.
Below $60K: accumulation extends.

The Fed just fired the starting gun.
Most people missed it.

– Merlijn The Trader (@MerlijnTrader) March 10, 2026

In a separate post, Merlijn insists Bitcoin’s “accumulation phase is done,” and we’re now in the “second stage of manipulation,” which is apparently a euphemism for “we’re all just waiting for the next twist in this chaotic rollercoaster.” Phase 3, he says, will be “distribution,” where Bitcoin will “head into six-digit price territory.” $65,000 is the “last stop before the final phase,” which is either a warning or a dare.

“Hold it: the move begins. Lose it: manipulation isn’t finished yet,” he added. A statement so profound it could be the thesis of a entire philosophy degree.

$80K Next?

As Bitcoin climbed to $71,000, Michaël van de Poppe declared that $75,000 is “next,” followed by $80,000 this month. While focusing on short-term moves, he warned it’s “not a V-shape recovery, but a mean reversion bounce on higher timeframes.” Which is just a fancy way of saying, “We’re all just hoping for the best, but also secretly terrified.”

Interestingly, he argued that altcoins would perform better during this phase. Which is like saying, “The side dish is actually the main event.”

There we go.

Markets are breaking upwards, and #Bitcoin is already at $71K.

I think that we’ll see $75K and potentially $80K during this month.

Not a V-shape type of recovery, but easily a mean reversion bounce on higher timeframes.

I would assume that #Altcoins will be…

– Michaël van de Poppe (@CryptoMichNL) March 10, 2026

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2026-03-10 17:00